I've often thought that I wish someone would have sent me an e-mail telling us to brace ourselves for 2011. Or maybe I wish God would have said, "Julie, this is going to be one wild ride for a while...I need you to trust me and hang on." Actually, I am probably glad that I didn't realize what was ahead. In fact, if you'd ever have told me after my pregnancy with Samuel in 2005 that I would have another very difficult pregnancy complication, I would have said that there was no way humanly possible that I could do it.
Kev and I were talking tonight and since March 8th of this year it has been major thing after major thing: Eli's diagnosis, surgery inquiries, amnio, kev found out that his Job of 10 years was ending, surgery consult, travel to another state for surgery, healing, modified bed rest now for 7 weeks. At times the details of it all has been more than we could handle. At other times it is more than we can handle and we just look at each other and laugh. I think we are pretty much at the point that trusting God completely is our only option. It is sad that it takes a lot of losing to often get us there. I've said this before and I know I will say it again, in the midst of it all we have been so very blessed.
One thing I remember learning and trying to focus on during my pregnancy with Samuel, after receiving his fatal diagnosis, was that there is always someone in a worst situation. I have been reminded of that recently after learning that a staffer at a camp I worked at in college is losing his battle with cancer. He is my age and has a young wife and child. I also recently read that two ladies who had the same surgery that I did just weeks following have had unforeseen complications. One lady delivered last week at 27 weeks and the other had her water break this week at 28 weeks. I am thankful that so far Eli is still cozy inside.
We have a lot of big decisions to make in the next few weeks concerning Kevin's job situation. We are praying for direction, peace and wisdom. I told my mom the other day that I do not understand what God is trying to do in us but there is one thing I know.....he loves us enough to not leave us unchanged.
2 comments:
Julie - have I told you lately that you are my hero? I think - if this was me - I would be curled up in the fetal position hurling obscenities art anyone would listen - mostly God. Yet you put your feelings out there honestly - then raise your eyes up to the One who can help you, and trust Him. Wow -
Praying for His infinite wisdom to guide you clearly & without confusion. May you hear His directions loudly and without confusion. And may baby Eli stay warm & cozy right where he is for a while -
Wow, what a year for sure! So glad little bambino is safe inside for now. You have such an awesome outlook, even though everything around you has seemed to fall apart...
Thank you for being so transparent.
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