Wednesday, June 1, 2011

28 weeks

I am finally into my 28th week of this pregnancy that feels to be never ending.  I know it is because from like week 21 on I knew that it would most likely be shorter and could be very short.  I am pretty sure that has completely thrown off my since of....normal.  Usually at this point I am not quite to the re I am so ready to get this baby out point!!  I know Eli needs lots of more baking time and so that is what we will do for as long as we can. 

In all honesty, I have been feeling pretty discouraged the past few days.  After we lost our first child Samuel, it was such a constant struggle to not look around at what blessings others had been given but to try to keep my eyes focused on God's plan for us.  Whenever I would look "externally" at happy healthy families I would feel so frustrated and forsaken.  I am struggling again with that now.  Ask any pregnant woman what she wants...boy/girl and you most likely will get one answer.  In fact...it has always been my answer until a few weeks ago.  "I don't care if it is a boy or a girl as long as it is healthy."  But what happens when your baby is NOT healthy.  UGGG!!!!  Struggling with lots of unanswerable questions and praying that my eyes will be focused not on me, but on God's plan for our family.

3 comments:

Amy said...

Will be praying for you Julie as you go through this difficult time. I cannot imagine how a person can remain positive throughout a hard pregnancy, but I know that God will help you with your feelings and that He will help you turn your focus to the positives that can come out of this precious life.

Isaiah 43:2

Anonymous said...

Oh Julie - your God knows exactly how you are feeling. I can't imagine how hard this is for you, but I am truly in awe of how very brave you are. What an amazing example you giving your girls of an honest, Godly woman. What a testimony to your faith. Even when you don't feel any of these things - they are still there. God has uniquely gifted you and you have not run from the challenges. Praying for the next days and weeks - may the Joy of the Lord fill your heart and your mind and your soul.

Mary Hayes said...

Julie, I rejoice with you in the good news on how you've made it thus far & Eli continues to stay put & grow. I share with you in spirit & in my heart aches, when you're feeling sad & down. The Lord knows when you're able to pray & when you're not. I admire your strength & ability to carry a high risk pregnancy. I read a devotional a while back & it's the same thing my mom told me why the Lord allowed me to be deaf ~ to brng Glory to HIM & all those around me would look up to God. I pray Eli's disability will do the same ~ bring you closer to HIM & those around him too. Peter & I struggled in many ways in our early marriage & ministry in similiar ways you & Kevin have done. I look back as I read your blog & remember the hard days that hit us often as a young married couple ~ miscarriages, corrective surgery to help me get pregnant, high risk pregnancy/delivery & lots of financial strains too.
I'll be thinking/praying for you both.
Love, Mary :)
PS I'm going to fb you the devotional page w/ the verse.