Friday, April 30, 2010

Monday, April 26, 2010


We have had a rough morning around the old house today! I am not sure but, I think ella and I both woke up on the wrong side of the bed. To be honest our day started out with disobedience and then took a nose dive. I hate mornings like that. I say up and she says down. I say yes and she says no. I think it is time to reread the strong willed child for the third time...and keep praying that this is still the terrible two's. The worst part of it all is that I lost my Patience and cool. It was not pretty. Instead of reacting in patience and love I reacted in anger and frustration. We missed my morning bible study because we were running so late. I decided both girls needed good naps and mommy needed to re-group!

I struggle with guilt sometimes over complaining about motherhood. I remember the frustration I felt when I used to hear others complaining about their kids, when I was so desperate to have one. I used to think...why can't they just be thankful. The truth is that being a mother is hard no matter how much you have longed, prayed and yearned to be one. Some days I feel that I lack what it takes to do the job well and if there is one thing in my life I want to do well it is being a mother.

In my frustration and tears this morning, I read this in my quiet time book.
"Come to me with empty hands and an open heart ready to receive abundant blessings. I know the depth and breadth of your neediness. Your life path has been difficult, draining you of strength. Come to Me for nurture. Let me fill you up with My presence. I in you and you in Me.

My power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for me. Faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to My Presence. " (Taken from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young pg. 122)

I now feel refreshed, known, and cared for. I feel like we might make it past lunch!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I feel tired and moody tonight. I have tons I need to get done and have no motivation for anything. I just want to eat fattening foods that I do not need and veg out in front of the computer or t.v. We have all been a little grumpy around our home tonight...maybe we all need to get in the bed early!!

I got my hair straightened yesterday. I couldn't wash it for 24 hours so I am anxious to wash it in the morning and see the results. I did still notice some waves. I am not hoping for perfectly straight hair...just easier to manage hair that takes less time to fix. We'll see if it was worth it! Either way I thoroughly enjoyed my three hours at the salon!

I took ella back to the dentist today. She went for the first time when she turned two and this was her 6 month check-up! At her first visit she was petrified! She tried to run out the beautifully decorated cleaning room. She kicked and screamed! I held her while the dentist tried to take his best look. I was hoping six months of maturity would help. Let me add in that ella is a child who remembers everything. She has talked about the dentist for the past six months. She knows where to turn to go to his office. She often says, "I like dentist...he bery nice!" Like she is trying to talk herself into liking him. Well, six months later we had a repeat performance. Shoes in the floor, bright red face, tears streaming down both cheeks, and clinging to mommy like super glue...she managed to mumble out while gasping for breaths, "" Ummm......I am not quite sure you earned it sweetie! The good news was that she had no cavities and her overbite from her paci is so so so much better! I booked her next appointment along with her 4 cousins. I am hoping that watching them get their teeth cleaned will help! If not I am sending her daddy from now on!

Eliza will be 7 months old tomorrow! Can't believe it how fast they grow!! Have a good night!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


The Lord definitely has a sense of humor. Growing up I always thought I'd one day be a pastor's wife. That may sound strange, but I grew up my entire life as a preacher's kid and so this wasn't such a strange thought to me. I think it was a God thing...somewhat of a calling that the Lord laid on my heart as I grew.

As I got older I still felt this way. I dated a few guys in my teenage years who I thought had great potential to be used by God if they'd let Him Yeah...not such a good approach! As I got older and into college I sought out a Christian college and even looked into seminary. Surely that would work....I was trying to make it work...trying to "find" God's will!

When I met Kevin on a blind date we really hit it off. We had fun, we talked easily, the whole process was easy. I had such a peace about marrying him...a peace that I knew was from the Lord. The only thing...he was in sales and didn't seem headed into the ministry by any means. Yes, he was a growing Christian. Yes, he was an awesome servant. Yes, he was God's choice for me.

I just figured all my life I'd been wrong. Maybe I just "wanted" that....but who really wants that? Maybe I just felt safe in following a similar pattern of my parents? I don't know...but I just said, "okay God I was wrong!" Silly me....what do I really know about hearing and discerning your will for my life. I mean, how can a little girl feel called to be a pastor's wife or into the ministry. That is so silly!

We married seven years ago next month and I would have never believed the twist and turns of the past 7 years. While we were dating and engaged Kevin started teaching the college class at our church. Then only a year into our marriage we felt led to start a young couples Sunday school class for the service we attended. Kevin began teaching and the Lord really began working in his life. After losing Samuel and the year that we struggled to get pregnant again it was as the Lord was putting so much pressure on our lives. We both had come to a point where we felt we had to surrender.... really surrender to doing whatever the Lord had for us. We wanted his will for our family...we were doing nothing short of begging for him to move in our lives...yet He was waiting for us to surrender.

The truth be told, I had grown quite content with my life, Kev's job security, our salaries, my doctor's, my church, my friends, and to be quite honest...I was no longer ready to sign up for service. I was scared of what God might ask of us and lacked the faith to follow. In fact, I knew all too well what a commitment like this would involve....and I think I decided my life was just fine as it was. I just wanted to live our lives...the easy way or my way!

I still remember the day. I used to get up before Kev since I had to be at work much earlier than him. I remember crying in the shower that morning. Crying that I still wasn't pregnant. Crying that there was a tombstone with my child's name on it. Crying that God wasn't answering. Crying that life in general seemed to be too hard. I remember the Lord making it clear that we had to be obedient. That morning I called Kev on the way to school and told him that we had to commit to doing whatever the Lord was calling us to do. We couldn't keep going on like this. We both knew it and had been dragging our feet. I told him I'd be willing to do whatever...sell our house...continue to teach...i think that is when he began to realize I was serious this time! He agreed and it was as if he was waiting on me to be willing. It didn't take long and he was signed up and beginning seminary and now several years later we are still seeking God's direction. Everytime I hear Kevin teach in S.S. or preach as he did this past Sunday night, I just want to laugh! Who would have ever thought a calling on a little girl's heart would take such a journey...and the journey still has a way to go!

I am so proud of Kevin. He works so hard. He works full time, takes seminary classes on-line each semester, teaches Sunday School (which is a ton of studying and preparing), and finds the time to always be helping someone all while being a great dad and husband. The Lord has been faithful to bless him and help him each step so far. I might add that he is making straight A's so far in seminary! I joke with him that he will end up graduating Summa Cume Laude and if you know Kev's college record or GPA you might be laughing too!

I often wonder when and where the Lord will take us. I know he has a plan. I see how even now he is using situations that we keep facing to mold us and train us for a greater work one day. I am glad that God has plans for our lives. Plans that sometime begin as a small seed in our hearts as a young child that take years upon years to unfold. Plans that he knows and leads us to step by step!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Busy Friday!

Today has been a nonstop, busy day! There was: house cleaning and laundry, feeding a baby, feeding a big girl, diaper changes, more cleaning, a tea party, more diaper changes, more cleaning, and then re cleaning what was just cleaned, more diaper changes, lunch, feeding a baby, menu making, more diaper changes, disciplining, loading in the car, more disciplining, grocery shopping, loading and unloading groceries, carrying an overtired toddler to her bed while kicking and screaming, and it's all in a day's work!

Being a mom is no easy job! Some days the routine of just trying to have some sort of a routine is enough to drive me batty! We are at a hard stage with a 2 1/2 year old and a 6 month old. Someone really should be napping through a lot of our day! Eliza needs a morning nap and ella doesn't. By the time eliza wakes up and we eat lunch ella needs her afternoon nap and then shortly after that eliza needs to nap again! When eliza is asleep I like to spend some one on one time with ella, and when she is asleep I savor my minutes alone with eliza! There is not ever a good time to get out of the house! I am not one who can stay at home continually and ella begs to go to Target, so we try to get out to at least somewhere everyday! I haven't figured out a solution except to let eliza nap in her crib for her morning nap and then nap on the go for her afternoon nap! Some days we just do the best we can!

We are working in our yard tomorrow. This is one of my favorite things to do and Kev and I have always enjoyed doing it together! I am not sure why but I think it is the instant gratification of seeing it look so much better! I can't wait to see some blooming plants in my planters! We'll see how it goes...with two little helpers!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

One Year Ago

One year ago I posted this! I was over the moon excited and thankful to be given another healthy baby girl! We decided to wait until we got through our 16 week ultrasound when our doc. checks our babies kidneys and etc. They don't expect us to have another child with Samuel's condition, because it wasn't a genetic issue, but they do several extra ultrasounds as a comfort to us. We had waited much longer to share our good news and I was so excited to finally let the whole world know!

One year later, I am so thankful for her. She is our little sunshine. I have to say that there has been so much healing in our hearts and lives in the past four years since losing Samuel. There are still days and times when out of the blue thoughts or emotions come, but God definitely has used my girls to fill our lives and our home with so much joy!

If you are reading this and are discouraged in your journey to being a parent, perhaps it hasn't worked out as you might have planned or hoped. I assure you God does have a plan. Sometimes it unfolds much differently than we want, but in hindsight it turns into a beautiful story! A story that molds you more into who God wants you to be. A story that only could had written by God. A story that shows God's grace!

Thank you Lord for writing our story! Thank you for giving and for taking. It is easy to thank you for the giving...much harder for the taking, yet I know one day when I reach my eternal home it will be so clear. Your ways are higher and better than my mind understands. I thank you that I am even at the point where I can feel this way. I am thankful for your peace! You alone are God and you do all things well!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Home Videos

Tonight we watched some of our home footage that is on our video camera. It holds everything from ella birth until today. It would takes hours to watch it all so we just hit some highlights. Ella loved watching her first birthday and seeing her cousins. She kept talking to them on the t.v. and then saying,"thay can't hear you!" It is really amazing how fast they grow and change in a year or two.

I do have to say that watching home videos always makes me feel a little a time trap or something. Like watching Christmas day, hearing the music playing and being in the moment and then's not Christmas today! Does anyone else get that feeling? I guess it is because you have already lived the moments verses just watching a movie. I don't know...I just always feel a little weird after spending hours re watching our life.

On that note...we cannot find our wedding DVD anywhere and we have looked everywhere! I'd love to see how young we looked 7 years ago! I'm very bummed over this! It'll probably turn up one day...I haven't a clue!

Saturday, April 10, 2010


It is time I do something new with my hair. I am at the point where I pull it up in a bun, usually half wet, everyday...and that is the point when I need to do something to it. I have very thick, naturally wavy hair. My hair is not super curly, although I can make it go curly if I want. I normally blow dry it straight! It looks much better straight. In fact, when I wear it curly I normally regret it all day! When I wear it curly it grows and grows throughout the day into a poofy mess. I have always hated my hair! Doesn't everyone always want the kind of hair they don't have?

I have always had some sort of hair emergencies. I remember in 5th grade my mom taking us to a local beauty school for haircuts. I clearly remember the lady saying she was going to cut my bangs into a triangular shape. Her statement caused me a bit of concern even at the age of 10. She started way back on head with the point of the triangle and cut tons of wide bangs across my forehead. Yea...that took a good long while to grow out! Then there were the middle school years when my hair went from wavy to full on curly! I didn't know what to do with it and this was prior to the days of a good straightener. I remember my mom and her good friend perming it because they had heard that a perm might relax the natural curl some! Oh my! It was a mess! Then there was the day of my older sister Joy's wedding. My mom paid a lot for us to get our hair done downtown. I even went the week before and the lady practiced on it. I thought I liked it. We'll on the wedding day I hated it. I rushed home about hour or so before the wedding and threw my head under the tub facet, washed it and just wore it normally! Then there was the summer in college that I worked at a summer camp. The weekend before I left, I decided to go short for the summer! This was still prior to me using a straightener! It was a long summer of not being able to pull my hair up! Not such a good idea for someone with curly hair who has to be outside in the humidity all day!

I will never forget the first time I used a straightener...a good one! I think my little sis actually did it! It was quite life changing I must admit. I felt like a new person. I could run my fingers through my silky hair! It was though I had been given a whole new lease on life!

So, back to my title. I have been growing my hair out since last June. I did get a trim in October. Generally, I grow it out just to get it cut again and then repeat the cycle! It is not long yet, but is in long layers past my shoulders. Ideally I'd love to grow it long and be able to wear it naturally in long wavy layers. This would be easy but I don't really know if it would look good. I have done this before and used a curling iron to make some of my wacky waves look better. It's fast and can dry naturally.

I have also been thinking about getting it professionally straightened. Not the super expensive kind of straightener that cost a small fortune, but just a normal chemical relaxer. I still might need to use my straightener a little, but I think it would be easier and less time consuming.

I have also been thinking about going short again. I always see cute shorter styles that look polished and sophisticated and I often feel quite the opposite...esp. with a wet bun!

My hubby has no preference! We'll actually he does...his preference is whatever will get us out of the house the fastest!

I know...all this about hair! I am sure no one really cares in the least how I wear my hair, but sometimes it is a hard decision! So, have you ever had your hair chemically straightened?? Was it worth it or was it a waste of time and money! I am gonna call my hair lady this week! Decisions...decisions!!

Thursday, April 8, 2010


Ella is at such a funny stage! She says things that literally have us rolling all of the time. I am sure most parents find their children funny!

The other day when I went into her room to get her up from her nap, as soon as I walked into the room she started saying, " Oh no mommy! Oh dear! Oh dear!" It was very dramatic as she often is and she had her hands on her head as if she was truly distraught! I said, "What in the world is wrong??" She said, "Oh no mommy, it's snowing!" I was a bit confused...until I looked at the floor!

She then said, "It be okay mommy...accident happens!"

The other night we were having our bedtime prayers and devotion. Ella wanted to pray for Kevin's grandma who she had seen earlier that day. She had hurt her knee and was using a cane. I usually guide ella through her prayers and she likes to repeat what I say. I said, "Dear Jesus." She paused and I waited for her to repeat it as she normally does. She looked up and said, "Mommy, I want to talk to God tonight!" Kev and I about died. Needless to say we saved the discussion on the Trinity for another night!
This morning Eliza was awake and playing in her crib and I was trying to grab a second or two of extra sleep. Ella was dying for me to get sissy out so she could snuggle with us. I then heard ella at eliza's crib saying, "Good morning my wittle weetheart!"

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Easter 2010

Toot's Egg Hunt Extravaganza

Church Egg Hunt #2

Eliza Chillin

Best of many attempts at a family shot!

So thankful for these two girls!

Daddy proudly in his pink!!

We had a great and busy Easter weekend. I think I have been trying to process it all for a few days now. Holidays and being a mother take on a whole new meaning and busyness. There are cute outfits to buy/wear, parties to attend, yummy goodies to make, eggs to dye, eggs to hunt, instruction on what Easter is really all about, church services to attend, baskets to fill, and pictures to be made so you can remember the whole thing! Whew!!!

I felt a tug a war the entire weekend trying to keep my focus on Christ all the while wanting to enjoy, partake and create new memories as a family. I am thankful that as a child or might I add a "preacher's kid" we were still able to participate in Easter Egg hunts and received Easter goodies. That is such a fun part of being a child. I've always loved the tradition of new Easter dresses, shoes, and yes big bouncy hair bows. I did even wear a hat and corsage on Easter as a child! Those are such funny traditions to me..probably a southern thing! It meant putting on your best on Easter Sunday. It meant spring was here and you could wear your white shoes!! It meant birds were chirping, bees were buzzing and the pollen was flying! It meant Christ had risen from the dead...surely a day to celebrate!

The whole weekend through this tug-a-war I kept feeling the Holy Spirit reminding me..."It's not about you!" Thus, my struggle! It is so easy to get caught up amidst the "fun and tradition!" I so wanted to keep my focus.

All in all it was such a great weekend. It was great because of Christ...for He is the reason we celebrate!