Thoughts

The Lord definitely has a sense of humor. Growing up I always thought I'd one day be a pastor's wife. That may sound strange, but I grew up my entire life as a preacher's kid and so this wasn't such a strange thought to me. I think it was a God thing...somewhat of a calling that the Lord laid on my heart as I grew.

As I got older I still felt this way. I dated a few guys in my teenage years who I thought had great potential to be used by God if they'd let Him Yeah...not such a good approach! As I got older and into college I sought out a Christian college and even looked into seminary. Surely that would work....I was trying to make it work...trying to "find" God's will!

When I met Kevin on a blind date we really hit it off. We had fun, we talked easily, the whole process was easy. I had such a peace about marrying him...a peace that I knew was from the Lord. The only thing...he was in sales and didn't seem headed into the ministry by any means. Yes, he was a growing Christian. Yes, he was an awesome servant. Yes, he was God's choice for me.

I just figured all my life I'd been wrong. Maybe I just "wanted" that....but who really wants that? Maybe I just felt safe in following a similar pattern of my parents? I don't know...but I just said, "okay God I was wrong!" Silly me....what do I really know about hearing and discerning your will for my life. I mean, how can a little girl feel called to be a pastor's wife or into the ministry. That is so silly!

We married seven years ago next month and I would have never believed the twist and turns of the past 7 years. While we were dating and engaged Kevin started teaching the college class at our church. Then only a year into our marriage we felt led to start a young couples Sunday school class for the service we attended. Kevin began teaching and the Lord really began working in his life. After losing Samuel and the year that we struggled to get pregnant again it was as the Lord was putting so much pressure on our lives. We both had come to a point where we felt we had to surrender.... really surrender to doing whatever the Lord had for us. We wanted his will for our family...we were doing nothing short of begging for him to move in our lives...yet He was waiting for us to surrender.

The truth be told, I had grown quite content with my life, Kev's job security, our salaries, my doctor's, my church, my friends, and to be quite honest...I was no longer ready to sign up for service. I was scared of what God might ask of us and lacked the faith to follow. In fact, I knew all too well what a commitment like this would involve....and I think I decided my life was just fine as it was. I just wanted to live our lives...the easy way or my way!

I still remember the day. I used to get up before Kev since I had to be at work much earlier than him. I remember crying in the shower that morning. Crying that I still wasn't pregnant. Crying that there was a tombstone with my child's name on it. Crying that God wasn't answering. Crying that life in general seemed to be too hard. I remember the Lord making it clear that we had to be obedient. That morning I called Kev on the way to school and told him that we had to commit to doing whatever the Lord was calling us to do. We couldn't keep going on like this. We both knew it and had been dragging our feet. I told him I'd be willing to do whatever...sell our house...continue to teach...i think that is when he began to realize I was serious this time! He agreed and it was as if he was waiting on me to be willing. It didn't take long and he was signed up and beginning seminary and now several years later we are still seeking God's direction. Everytime I hear Kevin teach in S.S. or preach as he did this past Sunday night, I just want to laugh! Who would have ever thought a calling on a little girl's heart would take such a journey...and the journey still has a way to go!

I am so proud of Kevin. He works so hard. He works full time, takes seminary classes on-line each semester, teaches Sunday School (which is a ton of studying and preparing), and finds the time to always be helping someone all while being a great dad and husband. The Lord has been faithful to bless him and help him each step so far. I might add that he is making straight A's so far in seminary! I joke with him that he will end up graduating Summa Cume Laude and if you know Kev's college record or GPA you might be laughing too!

I often wonder when and where the Lord will take us. I know he has a plan. I see how even now he is using situations that we keep facing to mold us and train us for a greater work one day. I am glad that God has plans for our lives. Plans that sometime begin as a small seed in our hearts as a young child that take years upon years to unfold. Plans that he knows and leads us to step by step!