Ultrasound

When I think back on who I was on November 7th, 2005, I see a young 25 year old girl who was nothing but excited, presumptious, and unscathed.  Until that day, the most devestating event in my young life was the death of my beloved grandfather when I was ten.  This day was the day that I first felt vunerable to the wiles of this life.  The first time I experienced the unfairness of life and that my life specifically wasn't going to always go as I wished.

Today when the same "older" couple sits anxiously in a doctor's office awaiting an ultrasound, we are anything but presumptious. We are hopeful, but not presumptious.  I think we are at the point that we just brace ourselves.  I must say if you have been so very blessed to only experience the many joys of pregnancy, (minus the nausea, exhaustion, and a few other unpleasant experiences) it truely is a blessing.  What I would give to have that experience. 

Today we had yet another ultrasound.  We got the head ultrasound man, an ultrasound tech and a resident.  Apparently he was there mainly to teach the other two some of the things to look for in a spina bifida case.  Lovely!!!  He also apparently had very little concern to the fact that I was about to shake off the table.  I think somewhere in there he told me I just needed to relax.  He spoke in medical jargon and was not interested in filling us in on what he was looking at over and over.  Granted I have had so many ultrasounds that I know a lot of what they are looking at and looking for....but I didn't like one bit that he wasn't giving us any comforting words along the way. 

We did learn that Eli's lesion appears to be a little higher on his spine than what they orignally thought.  This is not good.  The lower it is, is always better.  The higher it is, generally there is less function in what below.  I am still going to pray that they are wrong.  We probably won't know for sure until after the surgery or maybe even until after he is born and he has an MRI.  So we definitely feel like we need to progress with the prenatal surgery plan for now unless the Lord closes the door. 

We did get good news that so far his feet are not clubbed.  Although that can still happen, it hasn't yet.  Also his ventricles are not really that enlarged yet, so that is good.  I know it will most likely occur at some point, but hey I will take anything good.

These words continue to ring through my head. (2 Cor. 4:7-10)

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.  We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies."