Mothering

Today we got good news that we did qualify for a consult visit at Vanderbilt for prenatal surgery.  While that is great news...it immediately sent my nerves flying and my stomach twisted and tied up in knots.  The time-frame that they gave us for our consult and tentative surgery date is somewhat sooner than we were hoping.  While so many are so excited for us that we have this opportunity....I keep thinking of what it really is going to mean for me and our little family! 

I have such mixed emotions.  While I want to do everything I possibly can to give Eli the greatest chance at having the best quality of life...I feel so torn between this and my two precious girls.  The thought of not being able to care for them as I do kills me.  I am their mommy.  Caring for them is my daily, full-time job.  We have a routine.  We have a schedule.  I am their main disciplinarian.  Daddy is too, but I am just with them so much more.  I know when they haven't had enought to drink or when they need more veggies to eat.  I know when ella needs to potty and when elliza wants her blankie.  I know where bunny is at all times and I make sure that their ears get cleaned each night and their teeth get flossed.  It is just part of my job.  I can tell when eliza throws her blankie out of her crib from the sound of her cry and when ella is frustrated due to being tired.  I know their quirks and what makes them tick and I love being their mommy!

As a mommy it is hard to take a seat or should I say "a bed" to your job.  My three short weeks of bedrest with Eliza right at the end was hard enough....I cannot imagine months. 

There is a lot to consider.  Will the high risk of pre-term labor be worth the risk of risky surgery?  Would we be causing more issues for Eli by a pre-term delivery than if we let him grow and wait for the surgery?  All of these questions have no clear-cut answers, but we are praying for wisdom that the Lord will lead us to what is best for Eli and our family. 

We went out to dinner tonight.   Kev was still at the table paying and I walked the girls into the lobby to wait.  They were about maxed out on good behavior!  We were waiting and the two young (18ish oir so), female hostesses looked at us and said.  "Awe...they are so precious!"  I said, " thank you."  Then they began talking to each other.  It went something like this.....I wanna have a baby!  They are so so sweet.  I want to have a baby bump and be so cute!!  It took all I had in me to not give those girls a quick little reality look into what pregnancy can sometimes look like.  I quickly composed myself and walked out thinking that they were so clueless about the sacrifice that it takes to be a mother. (I do not fault them...I used to be there too!)   It is so much more than a cute family or sporting a baby bump for a few months.  It requires so very much more!!