The past few day s I have been riding waves of fear, sadness and then hope and encouragements. Yesterday I began to feel more optimistic concerning Eli's future. We spent the morning getting transcripts and medical records sent and requested to Vanderbilt. I felt like we were making progress. THEN, we got a phone call from our genetic counselor.
Some of the blood work that was being tested returned with a very concerning result. I don't even think I can explain it but the geneticist is very concerned that we might be dealing with another issue on top of Spina Bifida. Specifically they are thinking it is Trisomy18. This is NOT good news as trisomy 18 is a lethal condition somewhat similar to what Samuel had. I am scheduled for an amnio (which I am dreading terribly) on Monday morning at 8:00 and we should have some results by Tues and then a final report in about 10 days.
About 5 minutes prior to the phone call I had just taken a small plastic box out of my closet which contained 3 onesies and 2 bibs for a baby boy. These were some of the very few things I purchased 5 years ago before we knew about Samuel. For a few brief moments I began to get excited about the idea that I would finally be having a baby boy to fill them.
I have had about all that I can take for the moment and I just want to bury my head and escape from all of this. Each morning I am waking up thinking...is this really real?
I am thankful for our two little busy bodies who haven't a worry or concern in the world right now. You do not know how thankful I am to have been able to have two healthy children. At this point our odds are not looking so good. I assure you that eventually I will be at a better place than I am right now....but it is what it is.
8 comments:
Oh Julie. There are no words. I wish there was something we could do or say to make things better. I can't even imagine the emotional roller coaster you have been on the last couple of days. I'm praying that God will give you and Kevin the strength to get through this no matter what the outcome. I hate this for you but love you dearly. Let me know if you need anything at all.
I can't tell you how much we are on our faces before our God asking for the miraculous. I will not stop until the day Eli's born. I will not give up until there is absolute and complete proof that I should. We will continue to ask and seek for God to do the impossible. Nothing - absolutely NOTHING is impossible for him.
We are prepared to hold up your arms and keep you going. You rest, and we'll pray.
Love you.
Julie and Kevin our hearts are broken for you.
Before we ever met you, we had heard about Samuel. Then when Whitney and Pete ended up moving next door, I was sure God had put them there to give you strength and encouragement. Who knew that you and your family would be the givers and we the receivers of Gods love in ways we never knew possible.
Now we are all here for you to do anything we can. As Whitney said we will not give up and are always expecting miracles!
Love,
Jerry and Susan
praying that the Lord somehow lifts the burden of this heavy load by bringing peace to your broken hearts and rest for your weary eyes. i'm so sorry you have to go through this.
praying for you! and crying with you. thanks for your honesty on your blog!
Julie - praying for your peace - that through all this your eyes would be cast upwards towards the Lord and that He would protect your hearts and your mind. Praying that the test result would be a false positive and that you wold be guided by the Lord in all your other decisions. God is bigger than science
Julie, I don't know you personally- just a friend of a friend (Cindy S). Anyway, your blog was shared and I just wanted to tell you that your testimony of strength and endurance in our Lord is such a blessing to me. I pray He hugs you dearly and holds you throughout this time. Praying for your pregnancy and for many blessings over your beautiful family. Sarah Fralin, Summerville, SC
Oh Julie I am praying so hard for you! God can do anything, as I know that you know, and I am praying for a miracle!
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