The "T" Word

***Disclaimer***This is written in no way to cause grief or sadness to anyone.  It is written based on my personal convictions and experiences. 

Twice in my life... I have been offered the "T" word.  Twice!!!  Each time on two totally separate occasions, each separated by 5 years of growth and living,  I have been told that I had the option to terminate my pregnancy.  Each time this was offered, it was in a moment of extreme fear, overwhelming sadness and shock. 

As a teenager through the leadership of my parents, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and my own personal commitment to be obedient to the Lord, I was able to remain pure until my wedding day. A true blessing that I remain thankful for and I account that to God's grace and godly parents who did lots of praying.  The thought of abortion and termination was surely something I never expected to deal with in my life. 

When we learned that our first born baby had a major and fatal kidney defect the first option they gave us was termination.  Not only was this option offered once, but rather many times at various appointments.  It usually went something like this, "Are you sure you want to continue this pregnancy?"  Usually it was with a sense of ...why in the world are you putting yourself through this. 

There were so many days as my belly grew and my body changed when just wished so much that it would be over!  There were so many days that I just wanted out!  I wanted a quick fix.  I wanted to get out of the trial.  I wanted to get my body back as well as my life.  I no longer wanted to be on the prayer list and just wanted to be happy again.

I am sure there were many who questioned our decision for life.  Many in the medical world as well as those we encountered in our daily lives. Maybe even some in our own families. 

Our decision for life was not based on us being "good" or "moral" people.  It was not based on our love and desire for our unborn child.  It was not based on what many who loved and supported us thought we should do.  It was purely based on God's Word as the basis for absolute truth in our life.  Life begins and ends with the creator. 

Five years later I have once again been given the option of termination.  Apparently, 50% of all spina bifida babies are terminated after receiving the diagnosis.  Five years later I still find myself wishing I could somehow get out of this.   I find myself craving my sweet little easy life that I had just a few weeks ago when my biggest complaints were fussy girls and potty accidents.

 But, five years later I have experienced that blessed peace that God gives in the midst.   I've experienced the beauty in doing it God's way.  I know he uses trials in great ways and I know that once again life begins and ends with the creator.

I don't know what God is doing in our lives or in the life of our little Eli.  I do know I look forward to sending a very cute little Christmas card from the Giordano family of 5, with a precious little boy on it, to the many doctors that have offered the "T" word. 

In my dealing with all that we are facing the words from a song that we sing often in church has been ringing in my mind.

Heal my heart and make it clean



Open up my eyes to the things unseen


Show me how to love like You have loved me


Break my heart for what breaks Yours


Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause


As I walk from earth into eternity