Sleepy Saturday

Well, we have made it through another day. I got a visit from my girls today and we had some friends from church stop by and visit us tonight.  It was a pretty slow and sleepy day! 

Today as we were taking my daily wheelchair ride we saw a small sign on a door with a little lamb on it.  As soon as I saw it I knew exactly what it meant.  It is a sign that is placed on a door when a family loses a baby.  It helps health care workers know that a loss has occurred so they can be sensitive to the family inside.  As we passed the door my heart ached for the family inside.  Five and a half years ago on the very same hall, Kev and I sat in a little room with the same sign on our door. 

While this pregnancy has been so challenging and hard, I am thankful that most likely we will take home(eventually) a little baby boy who we can love and watch grow.  I am so scared about what raising Eli will be like, but at the same time I am thankful that we will get to raise Eli. 

This past week the girls went to VBS at our church.  Each day we asked Ella what she learned.  Yesterday her lesson was on Hannah.  I was told that she told her teacher, "I have a Samuel(pronounced as rhyming with camel) and an Eli."  To her they are both a very real part of our family.

I can't believe we are almost to the fourth of July!  Getting Closer...10 more days till delivery day!

Friday, Ultrasound Day

Not a whole lot to report today.  I am sorry that my blog has turned into a daily log of my hospital happenings.  We had our weekly ultrasound today.  Nothing too new to report.  My fluid levels were low, but still okay due to the fact that I have been ruptured for well over two weeks.  They were unable to get a good view of Eli's left ventricle due to his position today, so we don't know what it measured.  The right one that has been stable for weeks and weeks was up just a bit today.  We always take into account that little increases can be due to measuring errors.  We did see a tiny bit of movement in his right knee.  We will take it.  The sonographer always seems concerned over his lack of leg movement.  We try to remain optimistic.  I know I have done absolutely everything humanly possible to give Eli the very best chance and now all we can do is wait.  Of course we will continue to do everything possible after he arrives with therapies and etc., but ultimately it is in God's hands.  I continue to pray that we will be surprised at his level of function as he grows.  It is scary and overwhelming at times, I must admit. 

We did see that he already has some hair on his little head and they estimated him to weigh around 3lbs 14oz. as of today.  I generally have small babies and I am sure Eli will be too.  I am hoping if I can make it to the 12th that he will be at least 4lbs 3oz.  You know what is really bad about having such a tiny baby?  I may get a whole 5 pound weight loss on delivery day!  I assure you I have a whole lot more than that to lose! 

I am going to hate not getting to hold him and spend time with him right after he is born.  This delivery will be very different than our previous births.  I am really not even sure if I will really be able to see him at all at first...hopefully I can get a little glimpse!  I cannot imagine!  The doctor did say that I hopefully will feel up to going to the NICU by that evening to see him.  I know if I am humanly possible I will. 

This morning I was reading through the book of Job...again.   I have found comfort in that story throughout the past few months.  I cannot imagine facing all that Job faced.  I have found comfort in Job 38 when God Speaks to Job and gives him a glimpse at his power and authority.  You cannot read it without thinking...okay God...you are way bigger than I am and so I am just going to be quiet.  Today these verses stood out to me:
"Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?
Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn?
Do you count the months til they bear?
Do you know the time they give birth?
They crouch down and bring forth their young;
their labor pains are ended.
Their young thrive and grow strong in the wilds;
they leave and do not return."  Job 39:1-4

Obviously it caught my attention because it displays how interested and involved God is in the births of the animals of the wild.  I know that man is far more valuable to God than the animals and it reminded me that God is very interested and involved in the birth of each and every baby.  This is not a new revelation, but one that brings me comfort. 

WooHoo, tomorrow is Saturday.  Two weeks from tonight I should be sleeping in my very OWN bed!  I cannot wait.

Thursday

One thing I continue to be amazed at as we venture through these difficult days is how the Lord provides just what we need.  Today was a pretty long day.  The nurse didn't get me on the monitor until after ten and then she left me on for an hour and a half.  I was only supposed to be on for 20-40 min.  I think she got busy and forgot.  Kev brought the girls after VBS and they were both very tired and fussy.  Lunch was a bit disastrous as there aren't many good eating spots for little kiddies in a hospital room.  We opted to not attempt the food court area again around lunch time.  We finally got both girls to sleep. 

Eliza has turned into a major Daddy's girl over the past few days.  She will not let him put her down at all.  She is a little scared in my room, and I can't say I blame her!  She is really scared when anyone enters the room and she is even a little scared of her mommy.  It breaks my heart!  She has always been a mommy's girl....but I think she knows they are coming to check me and it makes her scared to get too close.  I try to steal kisses and hugs whenever I can get them.  Usually after a while she warms up some. I cannot wait to be at home normally with her again.

Ella and I snuggled in the hospital chair and she snuggled so close and kissed my face over and over.  It was such a sweet and special moment and was just what this mommy's heart needed.  She has always been my snuggle buddy!  She was also so sweet when she left today.  She said, "Mommy you sit right there and I will miss you." 

After naps we had some sweet friends bring us dinner...a yummy BBQ dinner.  Then another sweet friend popped in and then more friends.  I cannot tell you how much this means to us.  It helps time to pass and also helps us still feel connected to the world outside.  It encourages us and helps us to continue. 

I have to admit that there are moments when I want to act like a crazy, dramatic, patient having a mental breakdown and insisting that I cannot do this one more day.  Every morning at 5:30 when the doctor does her rounds and asks if I have any questions, I want to beg and plead for an earlier delivery date, letting her know just how hard this is on me and my family.  Then I take a breath and bite my tongue and remember that God has already ordained each day of Eli's life.  He has the master plan even though the doctors may write the date on a calendar.  So, I hold back and continue to wait on His timing.

Tomorrow we will have our next ultrasound.  You can join us in praying that his left ventricle will remain stable or will have decreased, fluid will still be okay and that we might see some good leg movement.  I am anxious about it since we are getting so close to seeing him and beginning this journey with him. 

The best news is...tom. is Friday and we are almost through another work week!  Have a good night.

Today's Random Thoughts

Today is coming to an end.  I am thankful that tom. is Thursday and that means that we are closing out another week...well kind of.  Kev brought the girls to the hospital again today and we had a family date to the cafeteria.  It was packed and was a bit stressful since all I can do is...sit.  Our girls generally don't eat very well in chaotic situations and so we left pretty quickly.  We came back to my room to attempt nap time at the hospital again.  Amazingly they both napped really well! 

I am having IV issues again.  IV #4 is now swollen, red and sore in and around the IV site.  The nurse said it probably will need to come out and another placed.  I probably will have one in my foot before this is over. 

I will have another ultrasound either tomorrow or Friday.  I am anxious to see what is going on with our little guy.  To be honest, I cannot believe I am about to have another baby!  I don't feel prepared at all for the newborn stage...especially since I feel so out of practice as a mother.   I guess we should soon buy a pack of diapers!!  (Just for the record we are normally overly prepared and I have only been to a retail store 2 times in the past ten weeks!)  I am sure Target must think I have died!

I think I will snuggle into my crisp hospital sheets...I am really not a fan, and try to go to sleep!  13 more days...not that I am counting!

2 more Weeks

Until this family of four becomes a family of five!

Daddy was being silly!

2 more weeks plus a few recovery days until mommy is back!

This mommy is READY to resume my mommy job!

32 Weeks and hoping Eli is growing!


So my attempt at talking my doctor out of a full-time Iv didn't go over so well!  The day nurse tried and the vein blew so I am waiting for the night nurse to try.  I hope I have some veins left by the time I have Eli. 

I feel like we are trying our best to make the most of this hospital stay.  I am beginning to know all my nurses and they are very sweet.  Even my cleaning lady has been stopping and watching a little TV with me.  We watched a lady do a water delivery the other day on TLC together!  Kev has been taking me for my wheelchair ride to the food court.  They have some pretty good options which are better than the same hospital food every day.  We are trying to consider it as a date. 

Speaking of TLC....the show Baby's First Days( I think that is the right name),  was taped at Vanderbilt.  A lot of the episodes were taped in the room I had before/after my fetal surgery.  It is neat to watch it on tv and know we were there 10 weeks ago today!

I really feel like if I can get through this week, next week I can really be counting down the days.  I think I am going to make a countdown chain for the girls so that whenever they come they can remove a link(s), so that they will have a better idea of when Eli will be here. 

There are many people who have made some huge sacrifices to help get us through this time.  You have sacrificed your time, energy, and your own plans to be there for us.  You have traveled to a yucky hospital to sit and chat, you have prepared meals, you have called and texted, you have sent cards and encouraged.   To all who have so unselfishly loved us....we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  If the Lord is teaching us anything, it is to be more compassionate to those who are hurting and those who are in need.  We pray we will be as loving and giving as many of you! 

32 Weeks...HOORAY!

It is offically after midnight, so I have finally made it to the 32nd week in the hardest pregnancy ever!  Normally I don't think much about being 32 weeks except for the fact that it usually means I have about 6 weeks left.  This time it seems like such a milestone.  It also means that my c-section is offically 2 weeks away...or less!  (They are not letting me go past 34 due to the risk outweighing the benefits).

I was thinking that 7/11/11 would be a better birthdate than 7/12/11, but I am not sure what the docs would think of that.  All I know is one day earlier means one day earlier.  I have never been to prison and never plan to go...but I have to assume it might feel somewhat similar to this.  Being an adult it is a rare occurance that you are told you cannot do something.  I don't really like knowing that I cannot leave the hospital. 

I decided to get crafty and sent Kevin for my art supplies.  I painted a canvas for Eli's room today.  I worked on it most of the day and evening, which is why I am up so late.  It turned out pretty much like I wanted and occupied a lot of my day.  That is a good thing.

I am IV less for a few hours.  I accidently knocked it today and it started to swell and turn red under the site.  My nurse was sweet and took it out for a little while.  (I am not receiving anything in the IV anymore, but they are making me keep one in case of an emergency!)  I did ask about not having one, but the doctor quickly shot me down.  Oh well!  Did you know that IV's have to be changed every 4 days. I never realized this until this hospital stay because normally they haven't been this long.  I am now on my fourth IV and have about 4 more to get before I go home.  I am not really liking that!!

I better try to go to sleep!  Someone will be in before I know it to check Eli's heartbeat and my vitals!   Oh and the doctor will be in doing her rounds about 5:30am.  I am sure there is a perfectly good reason why they do it so early, but it is really terrible timing.  For one, I never have my contacts in and cannot see her to save my life. I have seen her everyday for two weeks and still have no clue what she looks like.  Maybe tomorrow I should try to find my glasses before she enters the room.   She always asks me if I have any questions and I am hardly awake enough to make a coherent sentence much less think of any questions worth asking at that time.   Oh well! 

Time to go to bed!

Sunday

This morning Kev headed to church.  I knew it would be good for him to get to go even though I couldn't.  After church he picked up some lunch and brought the girls to the hospital.  Normally on Sundays we eat as fast as we can and always put the girls down for a nap.  They are always soooo tired after church and we are usually on borrowed time.  We knew it was a risk to forgo nap time and attempt it at the hospital.  I was so thankful to see my girls.  We played a little, colored a little and then we all took a LONG Sunday afternoon nap...at the hospital.  That is a miracle!  Ella and I snuggled on the bed and Kev and Eliza slept on the couch.  They both slept for over two hours even with a cleaning lady coming in and a nurse.  Kev and I couldn't believe it!!  It was so nice to spend some time together as a family today and to get in some snuggle time with my girls.  Have I said how much I miss them?

After nap time we took advantage of my 30 minutes of freedom and went down to the food court area and fed them dinner.  Ella pushed my wheelchair the whole way and did a great job.  The food court is much better than the cafeteria food... I must admit!  So, all in all it was a good day and another day down. 

Things with Eli seem to be really stable so far.  His heartrate and daily NST are good.  He is still moving around and my contractions are laying low.  So far there are no signs of an infection...and so we continue to wait.  Waiting is good...but is so hard.