God works for the Good

I have been blessed with so many sweet friends who have stopped in to help me pass time.  I can not tell you how much it has meant to me.  I really think that someone in the hospital for an extended stay without friends and loved ones could very easily become depressed.  I am generally a pretty even keeled person by nature, but some days I really feel like jumping out of my window!!

Today my sweet friend, Toots, (and no that isn't her real name, but rather the one that she is known by everyone by) came to help me pass some time.  Toots is the most creative and craftiest person I know. She brought about 6 bags packed full of scrapbooking and card making supplies.  I had plans for being crafty, but I mostly sat on the bed and chatted while watching the girls have fun!  You can tell by the pictures that they think Mrs. Toots is pretty great too!  The nurse walked in and looked like what in the world is going on in here!  She actually said she thought it was great! 

 Romans 8:28 is one of those verses that I learned as a child.  It was one I memorized and one that I hid deep within my heart.  It is a promise from God that I believe and that I have continued to see play out in my life throughout the years.  Kev and I have see this promise work in a very real way in our lives throughout the past few weeks.  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Most of you know that my husband was involved in a major head on collision after leaving the hospital the day after I was admitted.  He was heading home to see the girls, take a shower and to pack some clothes.  By the grace of God he survived and not only survived he didn't break any bones.  The driver in the car who hit him did not make it.  Thankfully, we have since learned that he was a believer.  Kev was seriously banged up!  He was so bruised...I mean I have never seen bruises like that.  His doctor said he had the worst chest contusions she had ever seen.  He has been sore, tired and trying to heal. 

He was taken to the ER at the hospital I was at following the accident and also seen by our family doctor.  His doctor would not clear him to return to work until after she sees him again this Friday.   I can really tell that he is starting to feel better this week and I am so thankful that he has had time to rest and heal.  When he called me moments after getting in this terrible accident, I really was wondering what in the world was going on.  I mean I am waving the white flag of surrender!!!  It has been one thing after another!  I really didn't understand what God was up to or why he was allowing another difficultly in our lives.  I was mostly just thankful that Kev was alive.  When he called me telling me he had been hit and was really hurt, I think I said over and over that I loved him and that I could not do this without him.  I really need him and just for the record...I am so thankful for him. 

So, back to my point.  Kev has not been allowed to work since the day after I was admitted.  It has meant that he has been able to spend lots of hours keeping me company at the hospital.  He has been making daily runs down to the food court for ice cream and such.  He has been able to go and get the girls and bring them to the hospital to spend the day with mommy.  He has been here to help me give them naps here at the hospital and keep them entertained.  We have spent more time together in the past few weeks than we normally would.  He has also had time to make many trips to the chiropractor and doctor.  Thankfully, he is feeling better with each day and should good to go for Eli's arrival day.

Who but God can take the horrible tragedies of this life....the things that make you question His goodness and sovereignty, and work them for our good and our benefit.  Who would have thought that Kev being in an accident would actually work for our benefit in that he would have more time to spend with me...and help me to not lose my mind. As I sit here in my quiet and empty little hospital room tonight, I cannot help but praise my heavenly father for His goodness to us.

33 Weeks!

We are finally in the one week countdown until Eli's arrival.  Most certainly this will be the last pregnant week of my life and that is a good thing.  If someone could guarantee me a normal and easy pregnancy...you know the kind...you get pregnancy, you see your doctor normally, you do all the normal pregnancy stuff, and in 38-40 weeks you bring home healthy baby...yea, I'd do that again.  But, seeing that our track record hasn't been so normal, we are worn out....completely!  I think this pregnancy has about done both Kevin and I in.  I feel sure next Tues. I will say that it was absolutely worth it all, but it hasn't been easy.

33 Weeks with Eli

There are many things that I am looking forward to once I am not pregnant.  Of course the biggest thing is just getting to go home for a bit.  I am also desperately ready for a hair trim.  My hair is needing some help in a big way!  It is growing out kinda crazy and could use some big time thinning out.  I also have a gift certificate that Kev gave me for Christmas last year to get a Keratin Hair straightener.  I found out the day after he bought it that I was pregnant so needless to say I have been saving it since December.

Ella gives Eli kisses about 10 times a day.  She is going to be a great big sister to him.

I am also ready to lose these pregnancy pounds.  I know it takes me a while..sometimes a long while, but I am ready to start my way back down.  After each pregnancy it is a huge challenge and I hope I can do it one more time.  Oh, and I can't wait to wear some different clothes.  I have 4 outfits that I packed quickly the morning before my last appt... just in case. I had no clue that they'd be my exclusive selection for the next 4 weeks!  I do have more options at home, but it is often hard for Kevin to find exactly what I am needing. I may burn these when I am done!

I have a few things on the agenda this week to keep me busy.  I have tons of thank you's I need to write.  I also have 3 small canvases' I'd like to paint for Eli's room.  Now is a good time to do things like that since I don't have many other options.  I know once Eli gets here I will be occupied with being at the hospital with him and being at home with our girls.  Oh, and I have plans to paint my toes one last time with this big belly in the way....if I still can. 

Hopefully, next Tuesday evening I will have some cute little Eli pics to post and an update on his delivery day.  I am so glad to be in the final countdown...6 more days to go!

And just for comparison sake...

28 Weeks

33 weeks

Fireworks on the Fourth!

Today was definitely a different fourth for our family!  Our girls spent the day with family and Kev spent the day sitting with me at the hospital.  It was a long day.  Perhaps it was because I knew that it was a holiday and it just wasn't much fun being bound to the hospital or maybe it was because we saved my 30 min. wheelchair ride until 9pm so we could try to watch the fireworks.  Either way it seemed like a lot of time in this room.

A sweet family from our church brought us some delicious ribs, potatoes, corn and and cookies.  It was very sweet and it was so much better than hospital food!!  Kev's parents also stopped by and visited.  Around 9pm Kev and our friend Wes, who works here at the hospital, took me to the 10th floor to watch the fireworks.  We actually had a pretty good view.  I really did miss watching our girl's faces as they watched them.  Next year hopefully we will be in a much better place and able to celebrate the fun of the fourth as a family.

We are almost at one week until Eli arrives.  My c-section is scheduled for next Tues., July 12th at 11:00am.  I am sure we will get pushed back some since we are scheduled for later in the day.  I am getting very nervous about meeting Eli.  I am so ready for some normalcy I could almost scream, and yet I know our lives are about to change forever.  I am scared to watch and see if he can moves his legs or has feeling in his feet.  I am nervous to see if he does in fact have clubbed foot.  That honestly breaks my heart.  You never want anything to be wrong with your baby!  I am scared about what we will learn as the what ifs turn into reality.  I am scared about all that "could" be wrong. Even then so much will be a wait and see!  I am not faithless, but I do know that real struggles are a reality in life.  We would appreciate your continued prayers as we meet this new addition to our family.

Passing the time...hospital style!

Happy 4th from my little firecrackers!!

Sleepy Saturday

Well, we have made it through another day. I got a visit from my girls today and we had some friends from church stop by and visit us tonight.  It was a pretty slow and sleepy day! 

Today as we were taking my daily wheelchair ride we saw a small sign on a door with a little lamb on it.  As soon as I saw it I knew exactly what it meant.  It is a sign that is placed on a door when a family loses a baby.  It helps health care workers know that a loss has occurred so they can be sensitive to the family inside.  As we passed the door my heart ached for the family inside.  Five and a half years ago on the very same hall, Kev and I sat in a little room with the same sign on our door. 

While this pregnancy has been so challenging and hard, I am thankful that most likely we will take home(eventually) a little baby boy who we can love and watch grow.  I am so scared about what raising Eli will be like, but at the same time I am thankful that we will get to raise Eli. 

This past week the girls went to VBS at our church.  Each day we asked Ella what she learned.  Yesterday her lesson was on Hannah.  I was told that she told her teacher, "I have a Samuel(pronounced as rhyming with camel) and an Eli."  To her they are both a very real part of our family.

I can't believe we are almost to the fourth of July!  Getting Closer...10 more days till delivery day!

Friday, Ultrasound Day

Not a whole lot to report today.  I am sorry that my blog has turned into a daily log of my hospital happenings.  We had our weekly ultrasound today.  Nothing too new to report.  My fluid levels were low, but still okay due to the fact that I have been ruptured for well over two weeks.  They were unable to get a good view of Eli's left ventricle due to his position today, so we don't know what it measured.  The right one that has been stable for weeks and weeks was up just a bit today.  We always take into account that little increases can be due to measuring errors.  We did see a tiny bit of movement in his right knee.  We will take it.  The sonographer always seems concerned over his lack of leg movement.  We try to remain optimistic.  I know I have done absolutely everything humanly possible to give Eli the very best chance and now all we can do is wait.  Of course we will continue to do everything possible after he arrives with therapies and etc., but ultimately it is in God's hands.  I continue to pray that we will be surprised at his level of function as he grows.  It is scary and overwhelming at times, I must admit. 

We did see that he already has some hair on his little head and they estimated him to weigh around 3lbs 14oz. as of today.  I generally have small babies and I am sure Eli will be too.  I am hoping if I can make it to the 12th that he will be at least 4lbs 3oz.  You know what is really bad about having such a tiny baby?  I may get a whole 5 pound weight loss on delivery day!  I assure you I have a whole lot more than that to lose! 

I am going to hate not getting to hold him and spend time with him right after he is born.  This delivery will be very different than our previous births.  I am really not even sure if I will really be able to see him at all at first...hopefully I can get a little glimpse!  I cannot imagine!  The doctor did say that I hopefully will feel up to going to the NICU by that evening to see him.  I know if I am humanly possible I will. 

This morning I was reading through the book of Job...again.   I have found comfort in that story throughout the past few months.  I cannot imagine facing all that Job faced.  I have found comfort in Job 38 when God Speaks to Job and gives him a glimpse at his power and authority.  You cannot read it without thinking...okay God...you are way bigger than I am and so I am just going to be quiet.  Today these verses stood out to me:
"Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?
Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn?
Do you count the months til they bear?
Do you know the time they give birth?
They crouch down and bring forth their young;
their labor pains are ended.
Their young thrive and grow strong in the wilds;
they leave and do not return."  Job 39:1-4

Obviously it caught my attention because it displays how interested and involved God is in the births of the animals of the wild.  I know that man is far more valuable to God than the animals and it reminded me that God is very interested and involved in the birth of each and every baby.  This is not a new revelation, but one that brings me comfort. 

WooHoo, tomorrow is Saturday.  Two weeks from tonight I should be sleeping in my very OWN bed!  I cannot wait.

Thursday

One thing I continue to be amazed at as we venture through these difficult days is how the Lord provides just what we need.  Today was a pretty long day.  The nurse didn't get me on the monitor until after ten and then she left me on for an hour and a half.  I was only supposed to be on for 20-40 min.  I think she got busy and forgot.  Kev brought the girls after VBS and they were both very tired and fussy.  Lunch was a bit disastrous as there aren't many good eating spots for little kiddies in a hospital room.  We opted to not attempt the food court area again around lunch time.  We finally got both girls to sleep. 

Eliza has turned into a major Daddy's girl over the past few days.  She will not let him put her down at all.  She is a little scared in my room, and I can't say I blame her!  She is really scared when anyone enters the room and she is even a little scared of her mommy.  It breaks my heart!  She has always been a mommy's girl....but I think she knows they are coming to check me and it makes her scared to get too close.  I try to steal kisses and hugs whenever I can get them.  Usually after a while she warms up some. I cannot wait to be at home normally with her again.

Ella and I snuggled in the hospital chair and she snuggled so close and kissed my face over and over.  It was such a sweet and special moment and was just what this mommy's heart needed.  She has always been my snuggle buddy!  She was also so sweet when she left today.  She said, "Mommy you sit right there and I will miss you." 

After naps we had some sweet friends bring us dinner...a yummy BBQ dinner.  Then another sweet friend popped in and then more friends.  I cannot tell you how much this means to us.  It helps time to pass and also helps us still feel connected to the world outside.  It encourages us and helps us to continue. 

I have to admit that there are moments when I want to act like a crazy, dramatic, patient having a mental breakdown and insisting that I cannot do this one more day.  Every morning at 5:30 when the doctor does her rounds and asks if I have any questions, I want to beg and plead for an earlier delivery date, letting her know just how hard this is on me and my family.  Then I take a breath and bite my tongue and remember that God has already ordained each day of Eli's life.  He has the master plan even though the doctors may write the date on a calendar.  So, I hold back and continue to wait on His timing.

Tomorrow we will have our next ultrasound.  You can join us in praying that his left ventricle will remain stable or will have decreased, fluid will still be okay and that we might see some good leg movement.  I am anxious about it since we are getting so close to seeing him and beginning this journey with him. 

The best news is...tom. is Friday and we are almost through another work week!  Have a good night.