I have never had a job that has brought me to my knees more than being a mother! The past two years of mothering my oldest child has proven to be ummm....quite challenging at times. It probably was majorly intensified by the fact that mommy and daddy brought home a new baby sister exactly two weeks prior to her second birthday. The jealously, the fatigue, coupled with my own high standards has challenged me in a major way. As a teacher I "prided" (for the lack of a less self-righteous word) on my classroom management and discipline. I was firm yet loving, always holding high expectations for student success and an overall happy classroom environment. Don't get me wrong...each year I had that one child (or children) that pushed and stretched me to the max, but none the less we learned and grew.
This year has been a huge learning process as we dealt with full-out call in the super nanny type tantrums! We've disciplined, and disciplined, and loved, and offered grace and mercy...and then disciplined some more. It has been the challenge of my life. I have never seen my own pride, sin and lack of patience, as much as I have this past year. Some days I look at my mothering and I feel like such a failure.
Often on "one of those days" when I have failed to be patient for the 100th time as Ella has failed to listen for the 100th time and I've counted to three more times than I can count..... I gather my little girls in my arms and we get on our hands and knees on the floor. I pour out my heart to the Lord, asking for forgiveness, wisdom and happy hearts. I pray once again for my girls that they will learn of the Truth and learn to walk in it as they grow. I realize that I am so in need of Christ at work in my own personal life and in the lives of my girls.
Last Thursday had been "one of those days." Ella had just gotten out of timeout, following a streak of direct defiance. I picked her up and asked her if she was ready to obey. She said, "yes," and then said, "Mommy, we gotta get down!" I was unsure of what she meant until I watched her get down on the floor head to the ground with her tiny little (marker stained) folded hands! It was then that I was thankful for "one of those days" of disobedience!
It's your kindness Lord
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It's your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Your love
Is better than life!!
1 comment:
For what it is worth, we go through the same stuff with Thomas...he has a strong personality but here is what I have come to learn. That strong personality, when guided by understanding & loving parents, will turn into an amazing leader one day...that little girl will know how to stand up for herself. I have friends that have kids with 'easy' personalities & I often go, "Oh great, I bet they think I am the worst parent in the world." Who knows what they think but I honestly believe God has blessed us with these strong personalities for a very good reason-because not only can we handle it but because we can mold them into strong, amazing adults. If you ever need to vent, give me a call...I've been there. Thomas is about to be 4...it has gotten easier but he still throws some absolutely amazing whoppers!
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