Eliza at 7 months

Seeing that Eliza is almost 8 months I figured I better get this posted.

Dear Eliza,

You are almost growing so fast. I think I forget how fast you are growing and still think of you as my little newborn. You are growing and changing! You are beginning to crawl by doing an army crawl and can maneuver yourself all over the room. You can say mama and dada....i just might add that you did say mama first! You LOVE your sissy. She makes you laugh and smile more than anyone else. You are most content when mommy is holding you or your tummy is full. You light up when daddy talk to you on the phone! You are such a good baby. You were such a trooper on our vacation to Disney World...you did so good...despite nursing around the park...diaper changes in the stroller and eating on the go.

You have learned how to sign all done...which totally amazed mommy! You picked it up so much faster than I expected. You also waved bye-bye to daddy this morning. I saw it with my own eyes...I have got to see it again before we document it in the baby book! I am always so surprised by you!

I am so thankful that I have been able to nurse you, but mommy is so ready for a break. Not a long break, but maybe just a night away with daddy kind of break. Or a middle of the day kind of break when you'd rather watch and listen to you sissy than eat! Dear little E please learn to drink from your bottle or even your cool new cups. Mommy would be so proud!

I love you little peanut!

MOMMY

Happy Mother's Day!

We just returned home last night from a wonderful vacation to Disney World. I am generally a home body and by the time a vacation is over I am ready to come home and get back to our normal life. Not this time....I'd give anything to do it all over again...even the few stressful, hot and unpleasant moments. It was a much needed getaway. The week prior to going I had been in such a "funk"...for the lack of a better word. I just felt so stressed, grouchy, and blah. It was wonderful to have some time away to enjoy each other. We went with my sister Jess, her hubby and son. It was great to get to spend some good quality time with them....we may not let them return home!! We are surely going to miss them! More...lots more on our vacation...later!! Get ready for picture overload later this week!

I have had a great mother's day today. This morning ella ran into the bathroom and said, " Happy Mother's" and that was it! I guess she forgot the rest of what Kevin prompted her to say. She also took an extra long nap as we are all trying to recover from our vacation late nights...and this mommy was thankful for my long nap today too.

I know for a fact that today is a hard day for some women out there. Four years ago, Mother's Day was especially hard for me. I debated on if I could even make it to church that day. I was a mother...I had carried a baby, delivered a baby, held my baby, and loved my baby...yet my arms and heart were so very empty. We were in the middle of our season of trying desperately to get pregnant. I remember wishing so much that we would have been that day! I deliberated if I should stand when they recognized the mother's in our congregation that morning. Instead I opted to go to the restroom to avoid that portion of the service. I will never forget that a friend followed me knowing the difficulty and sadness I was feeling. I decided that year to always try to write a card for one mother I knew might be having a difficult time that day. Each year the Lord always lays someone different on my heart.

This year we dedicated Eliza at church today. In our hearts, we dedicated her little life back to the Lord the day she was born just as we have each of our children, but we wanted to publicly dedicate her as we feel that is honoring to the Lord. I love that little peanut so much. She is such a sweetheart. Ella calls her our little sweetheart and she is. My heart is so full and so blessed!

Sisters

It's great to have a sissy! Someone to "sit" beside you in life!

Someone to make sure your nose is always clean!

Someone to offer support when the world feels a bit unbalanced.

Someone to share your germs with!

beach day!

neediness

We have had a rough morning around the old house today! I am not sure but, I think ella and I both woke up on the wrong side of the bed. To be honest our day started out with disobedience and then took a nose dive. I hate mornings like that. I say up and she says down. I say yes and she says no. I think it is time to reread the strong willed child for the third time...and keep praying that this is still the terrible two's. The worst part of it all is that I lost my Patience and cool. It was not pretty. Instead of reacting in patience and love I reacted in anger and frustration. We missed my morning bible study because we were running so late. I decided both girls needed good naps and mommy needed to re-group!

I struggle with guilt sometimes over complaining about motherhood. I remember the frustration I felt when I used to hear others complaining about their kids, when I was so desperate to have one. I used to think...why can't they just be thankful. The truth is that being a mother is hard no matter how much you have longed, prayed and yearned to be one. Some days I feel that I lack what it takes to do the job well and if there is one thing in my life I want to do well it is being a mother.

In my frustration and tears this morning, I read this in my quiet time book.
"Come to me with empty hands and an open heart ready to receive abundant blessings. I know the depth and breadth of your neediness. Your life path has been difficult, draining you of strength. Come to Me for nurture. Let me fill you up with My presence. I in you and you in Me.

My power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for me. Faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to My Presence. " (Taken from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young pg. 122)

I now feel refreshed, known, and cared for. I feel like we might make it past lunch!

Lately...

I feel tired and moody tonight. I have tons I need to get done and have no motivation for anything. I just want to eat fattening foods that I do not need and veg out in front of the computer or t.v. We have all been a little grumpy around our home tonight...maybe we all need to get in the bed early!!

I got my hair straightened yesterday. I couldn't wash it for 24 hours so I am anxious to wash it in the morning and see the results. I did still notice some waves. I am not hoping for perfectly straight hair...just easier to manage hair that takes less time to fix. We'll see if it was worth it! Either way I thoroughly enjoyed my three hours at the salon!

I took ella back to the dentist today. She went for the first time when she turned two and this was her 6 month check-up! At her first visit she was petrified! She tried to run out the beautifully decorated cleaning room. She kicked and screamed! I held her while the dentist tried to take his best look. I was hoping six months of maturity would help. Let me add in that ella is a child who remembers everything. She has talked about the dentist for the past six months. She knows where to turn to go to his office. She often says, "I like dentist...he bery nice!" Like she is trying to talk herself into liking him. Well, six months later we had a repeat performance. Shoes in the floor, bright red face, tears streaming down both cheeks, and clinging to mommy like super glue...she managed to mumble out while gasping for breaths, "Can....I....have...my....prize....now....?" Ummm......I am not quite sure you earned it sweetie! The good news was that she had no cavities and her overbite from her paci is so so so much better! I booked her next appointment along with her 4 cousins. I am hoping that watching them get their teeth cleaned will help! If not I am sending her daddy from now on!

Eliza will be 7 months old tomorrow! Can't believe it how fast they grow!! Have a good night!

Thoughts

The Lord definitely has a sense of humor. Growing up I always thought I'd one day be a pastor's wife. That may sound strange, but I grew up my entire life as a preacher's kid and so this wasn't such a strange thought to me. I think it was a God thing...somewhat of a calling that the Lord laid on my heart as I grew.

As I got older I still felt this way. I dated a few guys in my teenage years who I thought had great potential to be used by God if they'd let Him Yeah...not such a good approach! As I got older and into college I sought out a Christian college and even looked into seminary. Surely that would work....I was trying to make it work...trying to "find" God's will!

When I met Kevin on a blind date we really hit it off. We had fun, we talked easily, the whole process was easy. I had such a peace about marrying him...a peace that I knew was from the Lord. The only thing...he was in sales and didn't seem headed into the ministry by any means. Yes, he was a growing Christian. Yes, he was an awesome servant. Yes, he was God's choice for me.

I just figured all my life I'd been wrong. Maybe I just "wanted" that....but who really wants that? Maybe I just felt safe in following a similar pattern of my parents? I don't know...but I just said, "okay God I was wrong!" Silly me....what do I really know about hearing and discerning your will for my life. I mean, how can a little girl feel called to be a pastor's wife or into the ministry. That is so silly!

We married seven years ago next month and I would have never believed the twist and turns of the past 7 years. While we were dating and engaged Kevin started teaching the college class at our church. Then only a year into our marriage we felt led to start a young couples Sunday school class for the service we attended. Kevin began teaching and the Lord really began working in his life. After losing Samuel and the year that we struggled to get pregnant again it was as the Lord was putting so much pressure on our lives. We both had come to a point where we felt we had to surrender.... really surrender to doing whatever the Lord had for us. We wanted his will for our family...we were doing nothing short of begging for him to move in our lives...yet He was waiting for us to surrender.

The truth be told, I had grown quite content with my life, Kev's job security, our salaries, my doctor's, my church, my friends, and to be quite honest...I was no longer ready to sign up for service. I was scared of what God might ask of us and lacked the faith to follow. In fact, I knew all too well what a commitment like this would involve....and I think I decided my life was just fine as it was. I just wanted to live our lives...the easy way or my way!

I still remember the day. I used to get up before Kev since I had to be at work much earlier than him. I remember crying in the shower that morning. Crying that I still wasn't pregnant. Crying that there was a tombstone with my child's name on it. Crying that God wasn't answering. Crying that life in general seemed to be too hard. I remember the Lord making it clear that we had to be obedient. That morning I called Kev on the way to school and told him that we had to commit to doing whatever the Lord was calling us to do. We couldn't keep going on like this. We both knew it and had been dragging our feet. I told him I'd be willing to do whatever...sell our house...continue to teach...i think that is when he began to realize I was serious this time! He agreed and it was as if he was waiting on me to be willing. It didn't take long and he was signed up and beginning seminary and now several years later we are still seeking God's direction. Everytime I hear Kevin teach in S.S. or preach as he did this past Sunday night, I just want to laugh! Who would have ever thought a calling on a little girl's heart would take such a journey...and the journey still has a way to go!

I am so proud of Kevin. He works so hard. He works full time, takes seminary classes on-line each semester, teaches Sunday School (which is a ton of studying and preparing), and finds the time to always be helping someone all while being a great dad and husband. The Lord has been faithful to bless him and help him each step so far. I might add that he is making straight A's so far in seminary! I joke with him that he will end up graduating Summa Cume Laude and if you know Kev's college record or GPA you might be laughing too!

I often wonder when and where the Lord will take us. I know he has a plan. I see how even now he is using situations that we keep facing to mold us and train us for a greater work one day. I am glad that God has plans for our lives. Plans that sometime begin as a small seed in our hearts as a young child that take years upon years to unfold. Plans that he knows and leads us to step by step!