I have never had a job that has brought me to my knees more than being a mother! The past two years of mothering my oldest child has proven to be ummm....quite challenging at times. It probably was majorly intensified by the fact that mommy and daddy brought home a new baby sister exactly two weeks prior to her second birthday. The jealously, the fatigue, coupled with my own high standards has challenged me in a major way. As a teacher I "prided" (for the lack of a less self-righteous word) on my classroom management and discipline. I was firm yet loving, always holding high expectations for student success and an overall happy classroom environment. Don't get me wrong...each year I had that one child (or children) that pushed and stretched me to the max, but none the less we learned and grew.
This year has been a huge learning process as we dealt with full-out call in the super nanny type tantrums! We've disciplined, and disciplined, and loved, and offered grace and mercy...and then disciplined some more. It has been the challenge of my life. I have never seen my own pride, sin and lack of patience, as much as I have this past year. Some days I look at my mothering and I feel like such a failure.
Often on "one of those days" when I have failed to be patient for the 100th time as Ella has failed to listen for the 100th time and I've counted to three more times than I can count..... I gather my little girls in my arms and we get on our hands and knees on the floor. I pour out my heart to the Lord, asking for forgiveness, wisdom and happy hearts. I pray once again for my girls that they will learn of the Truth and learn to walk in it as they grow. I realize that I am so in need of Christ at work in my own personal life and in the lives of my girls.
Last Thursday had been "one of those days." Ella had just gotten out of timeout, following a streak of direct defiance. I picked her up and asked her if she was ready to obey. She said, "yes," and then said, "Mommy, we gotta get down!" I was unsure of what she meant until I watched her get down on the floor head to the ground with her tiny little (marker stained) folded hands! It was then that I was thankful for "one of those days" of disobedience!
It's your kindness Lord
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It's your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Your love
Is better than life!!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
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Randomness
I click on my blog daily to read my fav. blogs from my blog list and then the thought comes to mind that I need to blog and then my next thought is...about what! Don't get me wrong...there is lots going on around here I assure you, but not so much that is blog worthy.
Ella is busy and growing and continues to fill our home with lots of laughter each day. She is really into playing pretend these days and I love to watch her. In fact, as I type this she is in her rose petal cottage with Minnie mouse in the highchair fixing her an orange. Although she is a girl on the go, she loves days like today when we have no real plans other than being lazy and playing around the house. My favorite saying of hers at the present is, "Why sure mommy, I'd love too!" She has done really well learning her ABC's and knows most of her letters and letter sounds. I highly recommend Tad's letter factory and leapfrog fridge phonics. She is spunky and sweet and I love her so much!
Eliza is growing....we had a pound and a half growth last month. WOW! She loves table food and seriously eats more than her big sister at most meals. She is pulling up and standing alone some now. When I go to put her down she wants to stand rather than sit. She is the sweetest little thing and we think she is trying to say Ella which sounds a lot like lalala. She cried for the first time when I left her in the nursery last week and when when start walking towards her class her little grip gets tighter and tighter around my arm. I cannot believe she is almost one. She is such a sweet little blessing!
Speaking of first birthdays...my sister, joy, was picking on me this morning for all my birthday planning. I really do love planning their birthdays, and I want to make sure I try to do the same for Eliza that i did for Ella's (not that they will remember). I think Eliza is going to have an owl party and Ella is going to have a carnival party this year. This will be Ella's first year to invite a few friends to her party. When I asked her what friends she wanted to come she only said , "Mrs. Sherry" who is her teacher at church. Their birthdays are two weeks apart so it will be a busy, but fun birthday season.
Life is still in limbo for us. We feel called to make some changes, yet unsure of our direction. We are knocking on some doors and seeking God's direction. We are downsizing and simplifying our house and lives, which is always a good thing. I am loving this two week break that Kev has before his busy fall begins.
Well, Eliza is done napping it's lunchtime for Ella. happy Wednesday!
Ella is busy and growing and continues to fill our home with lots of laughter each day. She is really into playing pretend these days and I love to watch her. In fact, as I type this she is in her rose petal cottage with Minnie mouse in the highchair fixing her an orange. Although she is a girl on the go, she loves days like today when we have no real plans other than being lazy and playing around the house. My favorite saying of hers at the present is, "Why sure mommy, I'd love too!" She has done really well learning her ABC's and knows most of her letters and letter sounds. I highly recommend Tad's letter factory and leapfrog fridge phonics. She is spunky and sweet and I love her so much!
Eliza is growing....we had a pound and a half growth last month. WOW! She loves table food and seriously eats more than her big sister at most meals. She is pulling up and standing alone some now. When I go to put her down she wants to stand rather than sit. She is the sweetest little thing and we think she is trying to say Ella which sounds a lot like lalala. She cried for the first time when I left her in the nursery last week and when when start walking towards her class her little grip gets tighter and tighter around my arm. I cannot believe she is almost one. She is such a sweet little blessing!
Speaking of first birthdays...my sister, joy, was picking on me this morning for all my birthday planning. I really do love planning their birthdays, and I want to make sure I try to do the same for Eliza that i did for Ella's (not that they will remember). I think Eliza is going to have an owl party and Ella is going to have a carnival party this year. This will be Ella's first year to invite a few friends to her party. When I asked her what friends she wanted to come she only said , "Mrs. Sherry" who is her teacher at church. Their birthdays are two weeks apart so it will be a busy, but fun birthday season.
Life is still in limbo for us. We feel called to make some changes, yet unsure of our direction. We are knocking on some doors and seeking God's direction. We are downsizing and simplifying our house and lives, which is always a good thing. I am loving this two week break that Kev has before his busy fall begins.
Well, Eliza is done napping it's lunchtime for Ella. happy Wednesday!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
He's still got it...
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| It's not quite as much fun when your body is half the length of the slide! |
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Ella loved playing on the slip-n-slide. She is still not totally sure how to get down it like daddy does! |
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| Eliza chillin in her pool! |
Friday, July 23, 2010
Fear and Faith
This week I have been faltering drastically between fear and faith. Last week we took a trip several hours north for the hubs to attend a weekend seminary class. He has been doing extension classes for almost 4 years now. His summer course required a two day class on campus. The girls and I tagged along for the weekend and we stayed in the "commuter housing" for a cheap 39$ a night. This was my third visit to the campus.
I went with my parents at the end of my senior year of college to "check it out." I didn't have a clue what I really wanted to do as a career and I thought their women's ministry degree looked interesting. I came home and decided to focus on teaching since I was almost done with my degree. Interestingly, it was the very day that we returned home from that visit that Kev's Aunt Pam called wanting to set us up on a blind date. I think we met for the first time two days later.
Kev and I visited the campus almost three years ago as he was beginning to go back to school. We were in the area and visiting some friends of ours. I was about 7 weeks pregnant with Ella and was a nervous wreck. I was petrified at the thought of moving away. I felt as though I needed my doctor (as she had been through our loss of Samuel and knew our history). I felt scared about leaving my family. We were just coming out of such a season of grief and loss that I wasn't ready to move. Honestly, I couldn't imagine moving so far from the cemetery where Samuel is buried. The thought of leaving...was more than I could handle and after lots of prayer we felt peace with staying and Kevin continuing to take courses on-line.
Over the past two years I have stumbled onto several blogs of women who's husbands have attended the same seminary. It has been neat to look into their lives from a distance and wonder if the Lord is calling us there too. Many of these families have since graduated and moved on, yet I am thankful that the Lord used their blogs to open my eyes more to this for our lives.
For a while now I have felt that perhaps now is the right time for us to make a move and for Kev to get this degree DONE! He will have a small portion of classes that he will have to take there. I feel the Lord changing my focus and giving me some new desires. For example, the desire to downsize and live a simpler life. The desire to step out once again on faith and live life solely dependent on Jesus to make our path. The desire to establish some new friends and see a new area. I actually think I felt more leading in this area than Kev did prior to visiting.
So we visited and I could feel some fear building in my heart. What will I do on the days when Kev is working and goes straight to class until like 10 at night? How will I deal with being in a new city with him so busy? Will I be so homesick? Will we really live in an 800 square foot apartment? What will we do with all our stuff? Where will we go to church? Will I find friends? Will Kev find a job? Will I have money to still buy groceries? And the fear continued.
So here I am faltering between stepping out of the boat or sinking with fear. I am praying that the Lord will guide our path as He always has, and lead us to what He has for us. I do know that if you never get out of the boat...you never see His provision in your own life. I have seen many times before that Faith honors God and God honors faith. I have experienced that His plans for me are so much better and well suited for me than I would choose on my own. I have also learned that the narrow path, the way of faith is sometimes hard and requires great sacrifice. Oh Lord, help me.
I went with my parents at the end of my senior year of college to "check it out." I didn't have a clue what I really wanted to do as a career and I thought their women's ministry degree looked interesting. I came home and decided to focus on teaching since I was almost done with my degree. Interestingly, it was the very day that we returned home from that visit that Kev's Aunt Pam called wanting to set us up on a blind date. I think we met for the first time two days later.
Kev and I visited the campus almost three years ago as he was beginning to go back to school. We were in the area and visiting some friends of ours. I was about 7 weeks pregnant with Ella and was a nervous wreck. I was petrified at the thought of moving away. I felt as though I needed my doctor (as she had been through our loss of Samuel and knew our history). I felt scared about leaving my family. We were just coming out of such a season of grief and loss that I wasn't ready to move. Honestly, I couldn't imagine moving so far from the cemetery where Samuel is buried. The thought of leaving...was more than I could handle and after lots of prayer we felt peace with staying and Kevin continuing to take courses on-line.
Over the past two years I have stumbled onto several blogs of women who's husbands have attended the same seminary. It has been neat to look into their lives from a distance and wonder if the Lord is calling us there too. Many of these families have since graduated and moved on, yet I am thankful that the Lord used their blogs to open my eyes more to this for our lives.
For a while now I have felt that perhaps now is the right time for us to make a move and for Kev to get this degree DONE! He will have a small portion of classes that he will have to take there. I feel the Lord changing my focus and giving me some new desires. For example, the desire to downsize and live a simpler life. The desire to step out once again on faith and live life solely dependent on Jesus to make our path. The desire to establish some new friends and see a new area. I actually think I felt more leading in this area than Kev did prior to visiting.
So we visited and I could feel some fear building in my heart. What will I do on the days when Kev is working and goes straight to class until like 10 at night? How will I deal with being in a new city with him so busy? Will I be so homesick? Will we really live in an 800 square foot apartment? What will we do with all our stuff? Where will we go to church? Will I find friends? Will Kev find a job? Will I have money to still buy groceries? And the fear continued.
So here I am faltering between stepping out of the boat or sinking with fear. I am praying that the Lord will guide our path as He always has, and lead us to what He has for us. I do know that if you never get out of the boat...you never see His provision in your own life. I have seen many times before that Faith honors God and God honors faith. I have experienced that His plans for me are so much better and well suited for me than I would choose on my own. I have also learned that the narrow path, the way of faith is sometimes hard and requires great sacrifice. Oh Lord, help me.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Long days, Short Years
I read an article in a local Parent Magazine and it was entitled, Long days, Short Years. As soon as I read the title, I completely related. Somedays, I feel as though I am breezing through this stage of motherhood, cherishing the snuggles, the messes, the fun conversations with Ella, and the joy that my girls bring to me. Other days are LONG and it is all I can do to make it until I hear the beep of their daddy's remote alarm locking his car and we see him walk in the door. Somedays I feel overwhelmed with discipline, tantrums and selfishness, that it leaves me questioning my methods and job as a mom. Some days are LONG.
When I look at my Ella who has completely lost her baby look except when she cries and I can still see that little round face that and pouty lower lip that I fell so deeply in love with almost three years ago...I cannot believe she is growing into such a little girl. When I realize that Eliza is not too far from walking, eating real food, and is changing into a busy and moving toddler..... I wonder how in the world has time past so fast. It makes me want nothing more than to slow us down and bottle up every little second with my little girls.
I want to cherish them each day...even on the LONG days when I feel like a rotten mom. Even on the days when we've done nothing but play in the playroom, make more messes than anyone can count, and practice the art of sharing for the one billionth time. I want to love them as you love them Lord and teach them to love you supremely. Lord, Help me value these SHORT years on the LONG days!
When I look at my Ella who has completely lost her baby look except when she cries and I can still see that little round face that and pouty lower lip that I fell so deeply in love with almost three years ago...I cannot believe she is growing into such a little girl. When I realize that Eliza is not too far from walking, eating real food, and is changing into a busy and moving toddler..... I wonder how in the world has time past so fast. It makes me want nothing more than to slow us down and bottle up every little second with my little girls.
I want to cherish them each day...even on the LONG days when I feel like a rotten mom. Even on the days when we've done nothing but play in the playroom, make more messes than anyone can count, and practice the art of sharing for the one billionth time. I want to love them as you love them Lord and teach them to love you supremely. Lord, Help me value these SHORT years on the LONG days!
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