Earthly Home vs. Heavenly Home

Today I have once again added children to my heavenly home. This morning we arrived at my ob and I was a nervous wreck...sweating while freezing cold...and stomach in a mess...knowing that our future would be determined by this appointment.

My doctor who I love began the ultrasound and I knew by the look on her face that we'd lost our little one. The heart had stopped beating and no more growth had occurred. Once we knew I began to calm down a little ...at least I knew.

I am scheduled for a D&C this afternoon...which is super fast..but which the holidays approaching this seemed like the best option for us. I have to be there at one and the surgery should be around 3pm.

What do I KNOW....What am I telling myself today!

1. God will be with me and my doc. in the operating room today.

2. Disappointments are really His appointments.

3. God loves me and is not against me.

4.God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.

5. If this earthly life was perfect...I wouldn't be thankful to get to heaven.

6. God has richly blessed us.

7. My doctor may not know the Lord in a personal way and this gives me yet another means to be a light for her.

8. Samuel has a new brother or sister in heaven today. My mom who has never been wrong on the gender of any grandchild thought this was another boy...so did we.

9. God has given me a precious little girl who is active and growing and needs me each day.

Thank you friends for your prayers.

Almost there...

I have to say that this has been a very long week of waiting! I am one who is not naturally very patient. Just ask my husband! I have spent this week dealing with mixed emotions. I seem to fluctuate daily from hopeful, to realistic, to scared and then back to hopeful! I have prayed...oh how I have prayed. Funny how a crisis in our lives brings us to our knees better than anything else! Every night I seem to wake up around 3:30 and just pray until I eventually go back to sleep. I have prayed and I know my family and friends have been praying. I am so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends. I have also googled until I am out of things to google and I have read and read about embryonic development! I can even tell the embryo size ranges according to various weeks of development....my head is tired! I have looked out the calendar and tried my best to figure out how my dates were so off...over and over!

So Fri. is almost here and hopefully it will give us more direction! As I have prayed I have asked the Lord for a miracle...not just a little miracle but that He would show Himself and Powerful tomorrow. That there would be no way to explain the growth of this baby other than the fact that God did it! He is the God of the impossible. But if God chooses to take this baby on to heaven...still I will trust Him.. still I will Love Him, still I will worship Him as Mighty and Powerful and Good and Loving! Praying for my Christmas miracle tom.

Going Private???

So I was going to make my blog private...but then would anyone be able to read it..then it would def. just be a glorified diary for sure! I want friends and family to read...I really have enjoyed sharing what is going on in our daily life. So I decided to not make it invitation only at this point...that might just kill my blog...but if you are a reader feel free to leave me a comment!

Going Private

I have decided to not have my blog just completely open...I get a little nervous since I post pics of us here! I would love you if you read it to still read it...just ask and you can view it. I've got to figure out how this works but for now I am gonna do this! Julie

Pippi Longstocking!

I tried to make e some pig tails for the first time the other day! They were so cute...although now I understand a little better as to why mine were always crooked when I was little!

A Busy Weekend!

Can't you tell he loves me taking pics. in public!

ready to eat!

My date!

Aren't you impressed! He even did the dots like the
cookie co. does!

First of all I'd like to thank each of you for your prayers and sweet comments. I can't begin to tell you the how the Lord began to lift my anxiousness on Thursday...not long after asking you all to pray. Thursday was my 29th birthday! Can't believe I am almost done with my 20's! I still see myself at about 22! Maybe I should look deeper into the mirror!

Kevin had already taken the day off for my birthday and to take his final exam for the class he has taken this fall. After a long restless night I woke up on Thursday to my husband who made me a delicious cookie cake...and french toast, two of my favs! I always say I want a cookie cake from the mall...those things are super expensive..and so my super frugal hubby decided he could do it himself...and he did! He researched...I guess on google...how to make a cookie cake...bought parchment paper (didn't know he even knew what that was) and bought a cake decorating kit! It looked great and tasted great too!

For my gift he made me a DVD of our honeymoon footage to Colorado and a few of our other vacations. We had never been able to watch the video because it was on a small video camera tape...and the camera didn't belong to us! Needless to say it was fun to watch..and see how much younger we looked...already!

Friday night Kev took me out to dinner! This was such a treat because this was our first date just him and I since the night before e was born. Don't get me wrong we've gone out a few times with friends but not just the two of us. We had a great time. We ate at one of my favorite downtown restaurants and strolled the streets! We had dessert at my all time favorite dessert place and then headed home!

Sat. we enjoyed our Sunday School class progressive dinner. We had over 40 people packed into vans, cars and houses. We had tons of delicious food and fellowship!

I am thankful for a busy week that distracted my brain from worry! Kev taught on Mary and Joseph yesterday. It was a great lesson and reminded me that as a servant of Christ my response always needs to be Yes Lord....just as Mary said it Luke 1:38

Mary said, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to do whatever He wants."

I am trusting the Lord for a miracle on Fri. I am praying that the baby will have made a great growth spurt and be measuring closer to what we think it should be. I am praying that it will have a strong heartbeat. I am praying that I will praise the Lord for this answer to prayer.

All the while I am telling the Lord that He knows better than me what this child needs. He knows better than me what I need. More than I need a child... I need to become more like Christ...and I know He will be faithful to me on the mountain and in the valley!

Asking for your prayers!

This is not the way I've intended for this post to go...but I am at the point in which I need my friends and loved ones to once again pray for the life of my unborn child. Yes, we are pregnant...surprise! I have been so proud of myself over the last weeks for keeping this secret. Those of you who know us know that in our 2 previous pregnancies we've began sharing the news almost immediately. This time for some reason I've been content to just wait! I've longed for the day when I could shock my friends by saying...hey by the way we are pregnant and in the 2nd trimester...I was gonna wait a while longer to share.

For those of you who don't know us well I'll give you a super fast version of my long pregnancy file..which I was told yesterday at the doc. was huge! First pregnancy...easy until 20 weeks and the bottom feel out...lost our little Samuel at 33 weeks! Struggled to conceive after losing Samuel...had two super early miscarriages or chemical pregnancies...pretty much got positives only to a few days to a week later lose it. Continued to struggle to conceive...resulted in 3 infertility procedures...and thankfully conceived on the 3rd with our precious little e. Sorry I know that was way more than you ever wanted to know about me.

So after weaning miss e a few months ago we began trying again. We both long for more children..they are such a blessing. bam...pregnant the first month. All I can say is thank you Lord because of the struggle that it was last time. So thankful...I've just been breezing through my first trimester...very sleepy and a little nauseous here and there...no complaints.

Yesterday was my first appointment. I should have been like 8 weeks and 5 days according to my calculations of my LMP...but knowing that it could be off even a week due to the fact my body was still a little crazy do to just weaning e. So once again I lay on the ultrasound table and my life flashes before me. I cannot tell you the anxiety associated with ultrasounds for me....literally the outcome can change you life forever! So here is what you all want to know. Our baby measured very small at only 6 weeks. I know and would bet my life that I have to be more than six weeks...I've had a positive preg. test for almost that long. The hopeful thing is that the baby did have a good heartbeat...just measuring so much smaller than we thought. I left in complete worry and barely slept last night.

I am asking the Lord..that His will be done. I know from past experiences He is loving and good and will not leave me in my time of need. My doc. who I am not sure is a Christian but who we have been able to witness to over the years actually was trying to remind me of my faith yesterday...I think it was weak. She told us that we had been through the worst situation she'd faced with Samuel and had one of the best pregnancies and deliveries she'd had with e! She even told us to rely on our faith until next Fri. when we go back for another scan.

So friends...not how I intended to share the news of this pregnancy...but once again we need to you petition the father for our child! Hoping one day to just have a simple, easy pregnancy...I know you all would be thankful for that! Please pray that I can keep busy and not let my mind drive me crazy until next Fri. Pray that this little baby will continue to grow and the little heart will continue to beat. Thanks