Nov. 7 Defined my Pro-life view

Nov. 7th, 2005 was a day that changed me forever. I was almost 26 and 20 weeks pregnant with my first child. My husband K and I had planned on having a family since we got married but the timing was finally right to start our family. We tried once and to our surprise we got pregnant (I don't say that bragging because it surely wasn't that easy the second time around.) I say that to note that this was God's plan.

Back to Nov. 7th, we arrived at my ob office for my 20week ultrasound followed by an appointment. I had taught school all day and could hardly contain my excitement! I was dying to know if we were having a boy or a girl. My pregnancy so far had been picture perfect. Little morning sickness, great appointments, and I was just so excited to be having our first child. I could hardly focus enough to teach my class of first graders throughout the day. I remember as I left school that day my teacher friends yelled down the hall, "Call us as soon as you find out!" We were all excited.

Only God knew what was coming! I'll fast forward to the ultrasound. After a few minutes I began to realize that something was not right. The tech was asking me some questions like...had I been sick...had I leaked any fluid..and a few more...all to which I answered no. Then she began to tell us that she was concerned because I had very very little amniotic fluid! I began to panic and squeeze K's hand as she continued to scan. I really didn't know what this meant. I guess the worst thing I was thinking was perhaps a child with a mental disability, downs syndrome, or perhaps a physical handicap..and at the moment that seemed devastating...but I would soon find myself wishing it was only one of those things.

Of course the doc. was called in and told us that this was most likely one of two conditions. One that was a genetic condition...meaning K and I would both have to be carriers or another condition that is NOT genetic but has no reason for it's cause...they call it a FLUKE! Okay so what does this mean for us for my baby??? They wanted us to go to another Doc. for a higher risk ultrasound that day but because of the time they could only get us in the next morning.

We went to my parents house that night...just to shaken to go home. We began to research these conditions and what we found was that both were always fatal. Babies with these conditions do not survive..do to many issues at birth. Totally scared and just in shock....I remember thinking these kinds of things aren't supposed to happen to me! We went to the appointment the following morning. I was so nervous, anxious...I felt like I was going to throw-up! I'll never forget as they scanned ... it was hard to see our baby. Since this was my first pregnancy I had nothing to compare it to...but it was so hard to really see what was what due to the low fluid levels. But as the doc. scanned he went over the face of our baby and there we could see two little eyes and a little face looking right at us. There it was...my baby...still unsure whether it was a boy or girl...and really that didn't seem nearly as important as it did the day before.

I remember being asked on more than one occasion..."Mrs. Giordano, are you sure you want to continue your pregnancy?" I knew the right answer... yes! Of course I was going to continue my pregnancy...I mean I am a christian. I have always said that was was PRo-life...of course I want to continue this pregnancy. It was my baby for heaven's sake. And yet at this point I began to feel somewhat unattached to my baby. UHHHH...such a hard time in my life. I was carrying this child and yet I knew that I would not get to have this child but for a short time.

The doc. began having me come in every week to listen for a heartbeat because there was a chance that our baby could die in utero. They told me I could sit in an outside waiting room to avoid all the happily expecting pregnant mothers. It just wasn't fair. Week after week our little baby's heart continued to beat strong. I was trying to just make it! There were days when I just so wanted this all to just be over. Over so that I could get my body back and no longer look or feel pregnant...over so that we could try again. As crazy as it sounds I just wanted...needed a baby!

I often though that if I were not a christian I could see how a women when found in a hard situation would choose abortion. Seemed fast and the nightmare would be over! Yet I knew the truth...that God had Knit this baby together in my inmost. That he knew this child and I could trust HIM..that he had a plan, had not forsaken us, and would be with us. I was terrified about the delivery, scared of the unknown..yet the Lord continued to give me peace which sustained me day by day.

I think the Lord knew my anxious heart and I went into pre-term labor at just 33 weeks. and on Jan.31, 2006 I met a my precious little Samuel for a few short hours. Samuel was 3lbs 4oz and way more beautiful than I ever imagined.

I write All this not for your symphathy or condolences...as the Lord has step by step been faithful and true and GOOD to us. I write it because as the elections are over my mind has recently thought so much about the decision I made to carry our child. I without a doubt know that either way my baby would have been okay. I trust that God loves each child no matter how small, wanted, or unwanted. I often think of how I would have been the one to suffer. Had I have not pressed on toward my goal I would have missed seeing my child, missed holding my child, missed having pictures which we cherish, a lock of his hair, and clothes that he wore. I would have missed seeing how God orchestrated events so detailed and perfect for Samuel's birth. I couldn't have done this if I had tried. I would have missed hearing my doctor with tears in her eyes tell me that although she believes in God she did not understand my choice...but after coming to Samuel's funeral and seeing his pictures she understood why we did what we did. I would have felt guilty. I would have wondered what if...I would have regret.

I am thankful that God has used this in my life...almost on a weekly basis. I very often get asked it e is my only child and I always reply that we have a little boy in heaven that we lost at birth. They usually reply...oh I am so sorry. This gives me an opportunity to share my faith by saying, "It was the hardest time of my life but the Lord got me through and has blessed us with a beautiful baby girl."

Hopefully this will encourage someone when faced with a tough situation to trust God and leave the results to Him. For He does all things well.

What can a 13 Month Old Understand??

One of the things I am loving most about being e's mom is seeing her learning new things everyday! I find myself so proud of the little accomplishments in learning that I see...maybe this is the teacher in me...or maybe all parents feel this way.

On Tuesday I picked up e's only girl cousin from school. The boys were in the car as well and I was trying to help my sister out as little bit had his 2 week check-up! NO one should have to go to the doc. with 4 children in tow. Okay, back to my story. E has a doll that we keep in the car for entertainment purposes. It has a cute little hat attached by a string. So when we got in our car yesterday... many hours later...I noticed that the hat was now unattached. I said, "e did you get this hat off?" Then in her cute little way she said AAAAADEEEE. She can say her cuz's name but I was just very curious if she really understood.

So last night I asked A who took the hat off (not that I care at all if the hat comes off) and she said she had on the way home from school. I was surprised that e was able to understand and answer me. Maybe she knows more that she lets on at times!

The Wheels on the bus....

This morning as I was changing e's diaper (trying anything to keep her still) I was singing "The wheels on the bus." So I sang the babies on the bus...you know go wah wah wah...all over town. Then we got to the mommies..you remember they go sh sh sh ...all over town. Then I got to the daddy's...and they just read read read and then I couldn't help but laugh! This old song proves quite true! I am sure there are exceptions..but can't you just picture this poor mommy trying to calm her baby on the crowded bus where she is making a scene..and the daddy is just calmly reading his paper. I don't think it's because he is trying to be rude or unhelpful....HE just DOESN'T HEAR IT...or maybe he does??? This song was def. written by a woman!

Sorry...maybe I am still a little stressed after waiting in line for 2 1/2 hours to vote yesterday..with e or over my night last night!

I have a confession!

Ella slept in her room at night for the first time last night..and she is almost 13months. This is something that I have struggled with for a long time. When she was born we had her in our room in a bassinet, when she out grew that we switched to a cradle, and then to a port-a-crib. I have had this fear...that she will smush her nose in the bumper, get a leg caught, the house catch on fire, or a burglar...and I can't get to her fast enough. So it just seemed safer, wiser, and I slept better with her close by. Every night we pray over her asking the Lord to surround her with his angels and watch over her throughout the night. I have to admit since losing Samuel...and then getting ella her safely...my biggest concern was SIDS! I have been terrified to walk into her room after 12+(Hopefully) hours to check on her! I ALWAYS made sure she went to sleep on her back...until I could no longer keep her on her back...and made she there were no blankets, toys or etc. in the crib. She has always napped in her room throughout the day and loves her big crib so this was not a new space for her! Kevin has been as weak on this issue as I have been. I'd have her in her bed sound asleep and when it got time for us to go to bed he'd say...let's just let her sleep in here...so off I'd go to move a sleeping child back to our room. Is that not sad or what! Needless to say last night was the night... and we both were so tired that we stuck to our guns and although I checked on her 3 times throughout the night she slept great and so did we. I think we'll try again tonight!

The Cutest Cow EVER!

We dressed ella up as a cow for Halloween. I totally get why parents enjoy dressing up their little kids..she was soooo cute as a little cow! We visited a few relatives and stopped by our neighbor's Halloween Party for a few minutes and then ella and I answered the door for trick-or-Treaters. She loved running to the door every time the doorbell rang and seeing the kids in costume. Finally at 8 I closed up shop and put her to bed. She was a worn out little cow but it was so much fun.

Sick!

It has been a rough well...almost 2 months at the gio house! Someone in our house has been sick since Sept. 4. I remember this date only because we were out of town for a friends wedding and ella got sick while there. Since then Kevin got a cold, I got bronchitis and cold induced asthma, ella had a mild cold, then ella got a stomach virus which lasted eight days and consisted of about 7-9 diarrhea diapers a day, which led to a horrible diaper rash, which then she took another cold just as the diarrhea ended.....(sorry for this run-on) then on Sunday she was diagnosed with pneumonia, and now Kevin and I are taking a cold...AGAIN! I can't tell you how ready I am for us to be well. I keep reminding myself that these are all minor illness that can be easily treated. I keep telling myself that there are many moms who would give anything for their child to just have diarrhea or a cold. Trying to keep perspective...as we all so ready to feel better! Thankfully we got a good report at the doctor today on ella and it seems the meds are helping her little lungs to fight the infection! Thank you Lord!

On a happier note my sis, Joy delivered her 4th baby early last Thursday. I was able to put ella to bed and head to the hospital in time for the delivery and even be back at home before Kev and ella woke up! Let me tell you she just popped that little guy out..I think she was only there about 3 hours before he arrived! He is so cute! Unfortunately we are staying away since we are all sick again. Hopefully soon Little Andrew can meet his cousin ella. I think she will be amazed at him and I know I am going to have to watch her every second since she LOVES her baby dolls. She may think Andrew is a new baby doll aunt joy bought her.

Birthday Pics Part 3

What is mommy doing?


Birthday's are SWEET!


This is so FUN!


I love my baby!