Today I am having a Samuel day. I guess the only person that knows what this means is Kevin. We usually just say that and we both understand. A Samuel day is a day when I feel like I am on the verge of tears all day...a day when I feel sad...a day when I just wish I had my two kids riding happily in the back of the explorer...a day when selfishly I wish Samuel was not in heaven but at home with us. I know that if I could see him in heaven that I would for not one second want him to leave the peace and joy of heaven for this old earth..but the mommy in me misses my little boy. I am thankful to have this blog. I need a place to go to just say...today I am sad and that's okay. I hate burdening others with my grief and it's hard to explain how affected my life is by losing him to those who have never expereinced such a loss.
I just can't stop thinking about how cute he and Ella would be now playing together. We see such a resemblence of little Samuel in Ella and we wish we could see what he would look like at 2 1/2. I am going to post a few pictures of him for those of you who are curious as to who our special little guy was.
4 comments:
Julie,
I am sorry you had a sad day but I know from time to time you will have those days until someday there will be a joyous reunion. Until then.....I pray the Lord will continue to comfort you and Kevin during those Samuel days.
Julie, I just stopped to say a prayer for you. Please don't ever hesitate to say you need a prayer or a hug. It's not a burden but rather an honor to lift you up to Him. We love all of you and appreciate your ministry and testimony.
Julie, hope you don't mind me popping in on your blog. I'm a blog-stalker:-) Tara knows that, so she gave my your link.
I'm sorry I didn't realize yesterday that you were struggling for more reasons than one. I do know about Samuel, but I didn't realize thoughts of him were adding to your heartache yesterday. You are right...no one completely understands, but someone who has been there. I haven't been where you are, but grieved babies in a different way with infertility. There are good days and bad and that's okay. Lifting you up today!!
Could you send me your email address? I want to tell you about a friend of mine.
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