7 Months

I have been a lazy at updating my blog, but I have a good little reason.  Little man has been SICK!!!  About three weeks ago he was sick with a cold.  It wasn't a bad cold but just one that caused him to be congested.  Just as he was getting over it I noticed that it seemed that he was taking another one.  It didn't take long for me to realize that it just wasn't another little cold.  He began coughing and wheezing a lot.  He was SO congested and just plain miserable.  We saw our pediatrician several times as the wheezing was a bit scary to me.  He was on both steroids and the nebulizer every four hours.  We thought he was turning the corner last Wed. and Thursday as RSV usually gets worse around day 3-4.  On Thursday night I was nursing him and he began vomiting like crazy.  He couldn't stop.  He wasn't just milk, but tons of mucous.  It was pitiful.  He was laying on our bed while we were cleaning things up and we noticed that his color was off.  He was pale and very limp.  We pick him up and of course we were making sure he was okay.  We noticed his lips looked bluish and he just was so so pale and weak.  We decided to take a little visit to the children's ER.  I am not an alarmist and that was the last thing I wanted to do at 8pm on a Thursday night, but I was getting pretty worried about my little guy.  Of course the ER was packed full of sick kids and I we tried our best to keep Eli isolated as much as possible.  They got him back pretty quick and he was still throwing up and choking on mucous (sorry if you feel a bit sick by this post).  Once they got his vitals they used their vacuum thing to clean out his nose really good.  Let me tell you...it works way better than my bulb syringe.  Once they did that his oxygen levels began coming back up to normal.  They said that most likely some mucous was obstructing his airway.  Of course they also wanted to keep him and observe him...so we spent the night at the hospital.  He was fine after that and we got home around 10pm the following night.  Kev and I both were climbing the walls and so ready to get home.  We both said we had no idea how we had stayed 34 nights there this summer.  It was only by God's grace that we made it.

Okay, so back to my little man.  It has been a rather slow recovery.  It is taking forever for him to get rid of all the congestion, which we have been told is normal.  I am trying to be patient, but I am really really ready for him to feel good again.  I am also ready to pack up the nasal aspirator, nebulizer machine, and for Eli to sleep through the night again.  When a little one is sick, it really throws everything off.

Poor buddy!

Eli is now 7 months as of this past week.  His adjusted age due to his prematurity is a little over 5 1/2 months.  Writing that each time makes me feel a little better.  It has been hard for me as he has turned the corner from 6 months.  I know the next six months will be more defining for Eli and his disability.  He will no longer be a little snugly baby in a carrier and the milestones ahead are going to be HARD!

This has been the first month that he has noticed his sign!

Everything goes in the mouth!!

I feel like my life is very much consumed with working with Eli.  My days are busy and every free second I have I feel like we are on the floor working on sitting, rolling, and his goals.  I really took for granted how easily my girls learned to move and reach milestones.  They just did it!!  I want Eli to be all that he can be and so I am committed and focused to help him as much as I can.  It is a balancing act between letting him just be a sweet little baby and enjoying him, and then working to help him get stronger. 

We started some solids just before getting sick...we've stopped until he is completely better.

This is his play mat!!  It has scripture embroidered on it and it provides lots of encouragement for this momma.

We are doing e-stim therapy at home 3x a day for 15 min. each time. 

Our Pt loaned us a unit to use at home and programs it each week.  All I do is add the electrodes and turn it on.

Speaking of getting stronger...little buddy learned how to roll from his back to belly this month and is also sitting much better independently.  I will tell you that both of these things have been hard for him.  We have worked a ton on sitting on a big exercise ball to help strengthen his core and we have practiced rolling again and again.  I honestly do not know if Kevin and I were ever more excited about anything than when Eli rolled form his back to his belly!!  I am talking the whole family was jumping and cheering!  While each milestone is so much harder...each one is so much more celebrated!

True love!!!

Eli continues to be such a sweetie and we are so proud of him.

Six

It is hard to believe that it has been six years since that life-changing day at the very end of January.  Six years since I last held my firstborn.  Six years of grace, blessings, tears, triumphs and trials.  Six years without our big boy.

Ella wanted to bring her pom poms and do a cheer for  Samuel. 

I did something yesterday that I hadn't felt like doing in a few years.  The house was quiet as the girls were at mother's morning out and Kev at church.  It is kinda strange how you can long to look through something and yet hate too at the same time.  I got out his little box filled with all the memories of him.  His little blood tinged hospital blankets, his tiny newborn hat.  The hankie my sweet friend made me that I used at his funeral.  I looked through his pictures and stared at his tiny strands of hair that were taped securely to a paper for safe keeping.  I held my sweet Eli and thought about my sweet Samuel.

Every year we release balloons on his birthday.

It is hard to picture him now!  I often wonder what he would look like as a six year old.  I wonder so often how it would have changed our family dynamics for the girls to have had an older brother.  I try to imagine having 4 children and I am sure life would be different and busy.

Eliza didn't want to hold hers...I think she was scared of flying away with it!

I am not totally sure why God has allowed us to struggle so much with pregnancy loss, birth defects, and difficult pregnancies, but I know for some reason this has been a huge, huge part of our last 6 years.  I pray God will continue to use our journey to encourage others.

At four Ella is understanding more about heaven and that she has a big brother there.

Beautiful flowers given by Kevin's parents.

So for today, I will remember those sweet little footprints that left such a huge impression on my heart.

Eli at 6 Months (and lots of pics)!!

It is hard to believe that my sweet little Eli is already a little over 6 months old.  Of course, he was 6 weeks early so in reality he is closer to being almost 5 months.  People often ask us about his leg movement and so I though I'd post a few...a ton of pics of him moving those sweet little legs. Did I mention how much we love this little boy.

This moving thing is really fun!!!

Smiling for his big sis!

Okay, mom I think you got enough!

And of course a pic with my assistant....Eliza was still napping so she missed out on the fun!

At six months Eli weighs 15 lbs 3 oz.  He was 25 1/2 inches long.  He is on the small side for 6 months, but I always remember that they are using a regular growth chart and not a preemie one.  He continues to be a great nurser and is nursing 5 times a day.  I guess we will be beginning some solids soon, but I haven't been in any hurry.  I know he is likely ready and probably will enjoy them but it will add "extra" to our daily schedule and most likely will cause some constipation issues for him (a SB thing that we haven't had to deal with yet).  I am not really looking forward to that.

Eli has been working hard in PT to sit up.  We have worked very hard at home too.  He can tripod sit pretty well but isn't quite there independently.  I am proud of how far he has come and I know we need to meet that milestone so we can begin working on some harder skills.  He will also be beginning some e-stem therapy and getting some new fancy socks that might help those little feet to learn to move.   I love our PT.  She is really into research and willing to try anything that might benefit Eli.  She is motivating and encouraging and I feel that she will continue to push both Eli and myself to work very hard.  I feel so blessed to have her working with our family.

Eli is rolling from belly to back and is so close to rolling from his back to his belly.  I don't think it will be long.  He digs is little face in the floor and tries so hard to get all the way over.  He loves his exersaucer and playing with his toys on his bouncy chair.  He is such a sweet and contented baby.  He loves his sisters and watches them constantly!  They love him like crazy and bother him constantly!!

Thankfully, we have had a good break from the endless appointments that we had in the months past. We currently have PT every other week and E.I. (Early Intervention) once a month.  We will see ortho again in February as well as seeing several doctors at the Spina Bifida Clinic. I am so thankful that Eli has made it to 6 months being shunt free.  We are praying that this will continue! 

Only God knew how much my heart needed another baby BOY!

Goodbye and Hello!

Goodbye 2011....you will forever be etched in my mind as...the year!  When I think back on you there are many moments that still take my breath away...moments that will forever stand out in my memory.  2011 was a challenge and I will gladly bid it farewell.

Hello 2012. I have no clue what you will hold. I anticipate a year of work. Working hard to help a little guy learn to crawl and stand...and praying that little legs will grow strong. You will once again bring potty training and hopefully teaching our big girl to read. You will bring change and growth. Praying that God's will, will be done in our lives and home this year.

Here's a look at our Christmas fun of 2011.

The year of the bikes.

Eli's tree

Seeing the lights and roasting marshmellows

Eliza's tree

Christmas jammies...and 2012 will also mean saying goodbye to Eliza's beloved sassy.

Ella's tree...sheis getting so big!

Our BOY!!!

Apparently no one was into taking pictures except mommy!!

  

Merry Christmas 2011

It's 2:30 on Christmas Day.  My entire house is napping.  We are all worn out from all of our festivities.  We have one more to go this evening and we promised the girls that we couldn't go see their cousins without a good long nap this afternoon.

The house is quiet and although I should close my eyes for a few seconds...while I can, my heart needs a few seconds to process the joy of this day.

2011 has been the hardest year in my short 32 year old life.  Last Christmas, I was newly pregnant with our 4th child, and completely unaware (thank the Lord) of the year we were walking into.  I had no clue that within the year I would have two surgeries, lots of bed rest, a month in the hospital, that Kev would have a terrible car wreck, lose his job, and we would have a BOY!!! 

If you look at our pictures that we took this morning, they look very similar to the ones we took last year...with the addition of a handsome little boy.  Same poses in front of the same tree, which is decorated in the same way as the year before.  Many things look the same, but I assure you that the family in front of the tree is not. 

This year has challenged me physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.  It brought me to yet another....and another...crisis of faith.  Did I really believe that  Jesus was enough?  Did he really care?  Is he really good?  Did he really love me?  Could he really sustain our marriage?  Is he enough for the really hard times in life?

I guess a crisis of faith really only leaves you with two options...trust Him or turn from Him.   My faith having been tested many times before spurred me on to trust.  I knew from our loss of our baby Samuel in 2006 that God was good.  He did have a plan when we didn't understand.   He would be near to me through the trials, and etc.  I knew...but would it be enough for this year?

I am so thankful to be sitting at the end of this year very changed from the girl I was last year.  I am so thankful that My God is so faithful.  I am so thankful that I KNOW once again, that he is good.  I have tasted and have seen.  I have walked on the hard path this year, yet I have seen his hand over and over.  My prayer life has been one of pleading and praise.  My heart so thankful at times and so broken at others.  Jesus is enough!! 

Merry Christmas from our home to yours.  Thank you so much for your prayers for our family this year.