Merry Christmas 2011

It's 2:30 on Christmas Day.  My entire house is napping.  We are all worn out from all of our festivities.  We have one more to go this evening and we promised the girls that we couldn't go see their cousins without a good long nap this afternoon.

The house is quiet and although I should close my eyes for a few seconds...while I can, my heart needs a few seconds to process the joy of this day.

2011 has been the hardest year in my short 32 year old life.  Last Christmas, I was newly pregnant with our 4th child, and completely unaware (thank the Lord) of the year we were walking into.  I had no clue that within the year I would have two surgeries, lots of bed rest, a month in the hospital, that Kev would have a terrible car wreck, lose his job, and we would have a BOY!!! 

If you look at our pictures that we took this morning, they look very similar to the ones we took last year...with the addition of a handsome little boy.  Same poses in front of the same tree, which is decorated in the same way as the year before.  Many things look the same, but I assure you that the family in front of the tree is not. 

This year has challenged me physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.  It brought me to yet another....and another...crisis of faith.  Did I really believe that  Jesus was enough?  Did he really care?  Is he really good?  Did he really love me?  Could he really sustain our marriage?  Is he enough for the really hard times in life?

I guess a crisis of faith really only leaves you with two options...trust Him or turn from Him.   My faith having been tested many times before spurred me on to trust.  I knew from our loss of our baby Samuel in 2006 that God was good.  He did have a plan when we didn't understand.   He would be near to me through the trials, and etc.  I knew...but would it be enough for this year?

I am so thankful to be sitting at the end of this year very changed from the girl I was last year.  I am so thankful that My God is so faithful.  I am so thankful that I KNOW once again, that he is good.  I have tasted and have seen.  I have walked on the hard path this year, yet I have seen his hand over and over.  My prayer life has been one of pleading and praise.  My heart so thankful at times and so broken at others.  Jesus is enough!! 

Merry Christmas from our home to yours.  Thank you so much for your prayers for our family this year.