One Month

Our little Eli is now one month old.  Technically, I should still be almost 39 weeks pregnant.  I must say that I am glad I am not!!  I am so thankful to have this first month behind us.  It has been a challenge, but not so much due to Eli.  He is the sweetest little thing.  He eats...GREAT!!!  I finally got my good eater!!  Unfortunately, he has had a hard time transitioning from the bottle, so I am committed to pumping!  I am a slave to the pump!  I must say there are some definite advantages to bottle feeding, but I am still hoping we can conquer this challenge eventually. 

Eli is growing like a little weed.  I have no clue how much he weighs now, but I think his double chin is a good indicator that things are going well.  I also love knowing exactly how much he is taking in at each feed....told you there were a few perks!!  He eats, looks around at his crazy sissy's for a while and then takes him a good siesta.  He is waking up in the night every 3 hours and we have gotten a few 4 hour stretches too.  I am really hoping that he will stretch that out a little more in the weeks to come.  Daddy has been helping during the 2 am feeding...see I told you there were some definite perks.  Ella and Eliza never took bottles...at all...and so it was up to mommy.  I remembering some nights feeling like I was dying of exhaustion and Kev would rub my back.  It was sweet, but I remember thinking that I would sure like to switch places with him at that moment.

Back to Eli.  Tonight I finally looked back through his birth pictures.  It was such a traumatic experience for me that I haven't even wanted to look at them since.  Honestly, when he came out and I saw his little legs twisted and turned completely wrong...I am pretty sure I went into shock.  I was not prepared for how they were going to look.  I praise the Lord because I have seen so much healing in the past month.  They are no longer are twisted in crazy directions, nor do they bend straight to his face.  They move and kick and are gaining some meat!  They were so skinny and weak looking at first.  I think I pray over those little legs and feet more than anything I have ever prayed over before.  What a long way those little legs have come since his birthday!  We continue to pray for strength, muscle development and movement. 

At one month Eli is a lot like any other baby.  He has had a few extra doctor appointments and there are several coming in the next few weeks.  He has made it through his first month without a shunt and we are thankful for that.  His back looks great and he continues to wear his hip brace unless we are changing his diaper or giving him a little stretching time.  We do his PT stretches each day and kiss lots of sweet baby toes. 

Emotionally I am finding myself loving my baby boy more and more.  At times I have felt guarded...scared to let my mommy love loose, scared to let myself love him as deeply.  Scared of being his mommy, knowing that I will be the one to comfort him when he his scared at the doctor, facing a surgery or facing the unknown.  I am thankful that as each day passes my love grows.  I cherish those special little moments...usually somewhere in the middle of the night, when he looks at me with his sweet little eyes and face and he knows that I am his mommy.  It makes me know that I am his mommy too! Happy one month Eli.