This journey of having a special needs child is hard. Some days I feel empowered, called, and chosen to be the best mommy I can to our sweet little man. Some days it feels suffocating and sad. Having there be something medically wrong (not just talking a cold or fever) has been my worst fear since the day we said goodbye to our first baby boy. When Ella was a baby...I really feared losing her. Every fever, cold, etc. I just knew it was going to be something terrible. Little by little I learned to relax and trust. Even though my head knew that she would get sick, it took a while for my heart to get there.
Spina bifida affects lots of different body parts. Each month my calender has at least one BIG appointment that could be a game changer. I see those days marked in my planner and my stomach does a flop.
I know God is using this in my life to make me more like him...it is often not an easy or pretty process. The letting go of my plans, my wants, my expectations...dying to them and allowing Christ to be glorified is life. The having a heavenly perspective...knowing that this life is but a vapor, is a daily discipline. The trusting in God's sovereignty...even when it hurts and hurts is faith.
I daily see my great need for the Lord.
2 comments:
Well said and beautifully written.
Very well written and true!
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