I have recently become very interested in reading the blogs of my friends and even those of strangers. It seems as though sometimes people will expose their true feelings in a blog where as they might not verbalize them. My sister recently sent me the address to a blog that really hit home. It is the blog of angie smith... wife of Selah singer Todd.
audreycaroline.blogspot.com
They recently lost their 4th child to the same illness that we lost our little Samuel to. It was amazing how much we have in common. I felt as though I was reading my thoughts and feelings from just two short years ago. I am so thankful to be where I am today. Two years in June I was in the midst of the hardest time period of my life so far. Kevin and I lost our little Samuel on January 31, 2006. By June the reality of missing him, coupled with the overwhelming desire for a child was bearing down on me. Little did I know it would contine for many more months. Those months were so hard...I can hardly think back to them. Looking at our lives now I can see GOd's plan better...and how he used those months to drive us closer to his path. Now we have a beautiful little girl who is the apple of our eye (even as I write that it is hard for me to say anything about my love for Ella without mentioning my love for Samuel.) She is everything my heart wanted in a daughter from her red hair (even though I've always hated mine..I love it on her...we go together) to her bright blue eyes..her cute little smile and sweet, calm dispostion! God was so good to us! Kevin and I are also much more focused on serving and following the Lord now. He was so faithful to us...how could we not seek to follow him. Our dark time ...shall I call it...lead Kevin to begin Seminary (now being more intent on serving the Lord in some area of ministry). It also helped to shape us and prepare us for parenting. All I can say is if you have a child and they are healthy or even alive today...hug on them...love on them today! Enjoy every minute! I am writing this as Ella is crying....it's naptime and she's not happy. How I love that little bug! One more thing before I decide whether to rescue her or let her cry back to sleep! I now have a longing for heaven! I do..it's definitely something I never had before. I long for that trumpet sounding, long to see Jesus and long to see my Samuel alive, healthy! Only God can bring beauty from ashes and joy from sorrow!
2 comments:
love that post and love you!
Hey, Julie. I didn't realize that you had a blog. Now I have another family to "stalk." :)
I used to be very anti-blog. I thought, "Who cares what I have to say?" Now I see it totally differently. We are very blessed to have a story to tell. We were so encouraged and blessed by the blogs and websites of others when we truly thought we would never bring our daughter home. Now we are thrilled to be able to share what God has done in our lives.
The same is true of you and Kevin. You allowed God to manifest His glory through the loss of Samuel, Kevin's decision to go into ministry, and the birth of sweet Ella Kate. You will never know how you all touch others on a daily basis. I am so glad you are sharing your story on a public forum.
We can't wait to see what God does in your family. We love you guys and appreciate your heart for Christ and your heart for people.
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