Worry!

Worry is such a terrible thing. It can put you in a crummy mood, steal your joy, make you feel sick, and make for a very long day! I woke up this morning around 4am full of worry! I normally don't feel that I am an overly worried person, but there are always certain big worries that bother me. Let me just tell you that being wide awake at 4am when you are on bed rest can make for a very long day! I felt that anxious feeling over my induction on Tues. I am no longer worried over being at the hospital, pain, needles like I was in my first pregnancy...but I was worried about the timing of it all. I had a super fast delivery with ella...like 4 hours from the beginning of the induction... and she was coming faster than my doctor could get back from lunch. I have that GB strep this time (I didn't have it with samuel or ella) and have to have the antibiotics prior to delivery. You have to have 4 hours between doses. My doctor said she was worried about this delivery going even faster and will be trying to slow things down. I was worried about getting the antibiotics and epidural in time! These are both things that I have absolutely NO control over but the worry over them was not fun.

I have a dermatology appointment in November that I have been putting off until after I have eliza. I have a few moles and sunspots that are very concerning to me. I read something in a magazine yesterday that really caused me to really worry. In my mind I already have skin cancer, facing major surgery on my face, and am dying leaving Kev alone with two little girls. Isn't this terrible. I do regularly go to the dermatologist because skin cancer runs in my family and hello...I am a prime candidate! This fear is one that seems to always get me.

As a mom I always worry over my kids. The worst thought in the world is something happening to them. I worry about big things like cancer or car wrecks! Fears like these can stop you in your tracks.

So at 4 am in the morning what is one to do. I wasn't gonna wake Kevin up and tell him that I was sitting in the pit of worry! He'd be half awake and not ready to give sound advice...trust me. I wasn't gonna call my mom...although she was most likely awake (she's a super early bird)...and let her help calm my worries. My only option was the only option that really can do anything about these worries at all. I laid in my bed and cried out to the Lord...confessing my fears and lack of faith. Trying to release these things to him and begging Him for protection over myself and my family. Thankfully I was able to go back to sleep after a few hours and woke up feeling so much better.

"Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you!"

Tuesday's appointment

I had a good appointment today other than the fact that it took 3 hours. I had an ultrasound, NST and then a regular check-up. Eliza appears to be growing and is now a little over 5 lbs. She is still small but my doc. said there is a margin of error and it could be up to a lb. I am praying she is larger than the ultrasound showed. We know she will be small but I am praying she may reach 6lbs before next Tuesday. Our induction date is set for next Tuesday morning. I feel excited just to have a for sure date. I was also excited to find out that I am still progressing even though I am on bed rest. I'll spare you the details. We also got good news that the blood pressure through the cord is continuing to improve...so on bed rest I'll continue! I can almost see the end in sight...and that makes me feel better. I have some new 3D pics of eliza that I will post later once we upload them.

Trying to find the silver lining!

Today I am sitting at home for the third week in a row while Kevin and ella are at church. I miss being there feel somewhat disconnected from the world. I know now that it will be several weeks until I will be able to go back to church...unless I can beg my doc. to let me off bed rest a little next weekend! I am so eager to get out and get moving! I miss going about my daily life, running errands, picking up ella, cooking, and yes even cleaning my house. I know these are all things that I normally loathe....and they all wear me out and can be daily frustrations, but not being able to do them has given me a new appreciation for my Independence. I may have this baby and hit the ground running...literally!

So while I am sitting trying to not feel sorry for myself (which is a terrible place to be) I figured I should try to focus on all the things I have to be thankful for today. This always makes me feel better!
1. I am normally healthy and under normal circumstances lead a very busy and full life.
2. I normally can drive a car and take care of ella and my family.
3. I have a healthy almost 2 year old...who is growing and active!
4. I have a husband who loves me and is working hard to take care of us.
5. I have a house..and many in the world do not!
6. I have a baby that is alive inside of me.
7. I have a doctor who is very cautious and cares for the health of my unborn child.
8. I have clean carpets...kev cleaned them yesterday.
9. I have got a lot done in the weeks prior to my bed rest which was a good thing!
10. I am almost done with this pregnancy...8 more days!
11. Eliza's condition of growth restriction...although it can be serious so far she seems to be growing and tolerating being inside for a while longer.
12. I have people who love me and can help me when needed.
13. I can get up and take a shower everyday...I am sure some women on bed rest can't do that!
As always there are so many things to be thankful for...even when life isn't going as you'd like!
Praying that I can stay focused on the goal of getting this baby girl here healthy and safe this next week...because I'd sure love to sneak off to Target while everyone I know is at church! Don't worry mom...I won't!

Fri. appointment

Today's appointment went well. Eliza slept through the first part of my non-stress (very stressful test)! Her heart was beating so I knew she was alive but her heartbeat was very non-reactive and I kept waiting on her kicks. I began to stress and decided in my mind that they'd be sending me straight to the hospital. I knew the strip didn't look quite as it should. The nurse got me some juice and about 10 minutes later she finally woke up and began to do some kicks. About 45 minutes later, they said it looked good...and I didn't need an ultrasound today so that was good. My stomach showed some growth from last week...still about 2 weeks smaller than it should measure...but at least it appears that she may have grown! If not, I surely did...I'll spare you on my weeks weight gain..but let's just say I did my part! So 10 days or less and (wiser) as her sister has been calling her, will finally be here!

23 Months

Ella is now 23 months. I cannot believe she is almost two. We had planned on having her a family birthday party this weekend! I had worked really hard on the details and sent out invitations for a fun "Mickey and Minnie" 2nd Birthday...but it is now been put on hold. Looks like ella's little sis will get to join us for her 2nd b-day party after all. I was hoping to do it before so that we wouldn't have a house full of company with a new baby (I'm a little bit of a germ-a-phobe with a new baby)! Oh well!

We are crazy about our ella. She has brought so much joy to our hearts and lives in these past 23 months. She is a sweet little firecracker who makes each day more enjoyable.
At 23 months ella:
-is still a super picky eater! She only weights 25 pounds. We had made it to 27 but she lost a few when she was sick a few weeks ago and we are still working to gain them back. She likes sweets, pasta, chicken nuggets, pizza, oranges, apples, yogurt, and a few other things. I continue to "try" to get her to eat new things but so far we are still picky!
-still loves to nap. She is still napping from 10-11 or so and them from 3-5. She goes to bed at 8 and sleeps until 6am. She is our alarm clock. She lays in bed with me until we get up for the day. She sleeps good because she goes strong when she is awake!!
-she is totally into shoes and clothes. I am sure it is my fault! She loves for me to fix and straighten her hair and asks me to everyday when I fix mine. Seriously what 2 year old even knows what a straightener is for? Oh well, she has my crazy waves and will need it one day! She now likes her toes painted too.
-She loves playing with her cousins and thinks she is just as big as they are. They have taught her how to play hide-n-seek. The other day we were at my parents house and I kept hearing her saying, "papa, come mere!" After a while I went to see what she was doing and I found her hiding behind mimi's dresses is her closet. I guess she forgot to tell papa that he was supposed to come looking for her.
-she can count to about 13 or 14 and sometimes higher. I am beginning to think she is colored blind...and I am not kidding. The only colors she can distinguish are brown, gray and black. It is very weird. She knows the names of the other colors but cannot distinguish them. It is too funny!
-she is not so sure about eliza. At times she will kiss my tummy and other times try to hit it. She refuses to acknowledge that the car seat in our car now is for eliza and continues to tell is that it is for Titus (her cousin). We continue to tell her that eliza will ride in it very soon.

These are some of my favorite things that she says:
come mere- come here
how are you
I's fine
bye-bye, see you later
love you
mommy I hold you -meaning mommy you hold me
ella do it
I got it
mines
my share -meaning you share with me
ella's turn
dank you
wunch-lunch
ahkay-okay
hair straight
mommy's bed
ella's place (guess where that is)
watch t.d. (t.v)
she calls our neighborhood pool the beach!
go home, rest
play doys house -play at joy's house
and the funniest was when she patted my dad and said " aw, sweet ole papa"

-last but not least...when have been practicing for a long time now talking about Jesus making the world, us, healing us, etc. I asked her the other day who painted her toes and she told me DE-jus (Jesus). Well, not quite...it was her mimi. At least she has learned that Jesus is a good answer for most any question!

Bed Rest Day 6

Today has been a long day. Can I just tell you how much I'd love a trip to Target or even Wal-mart right now! I even despise going to Wal-mart normally but the thought sounds pretty exciting right now. I have no idea how women last on bed rest for months on end. I know you have to keep the goal in sight of having a healthy baby, but I cannot imagine. I am counting down it's only about 12 more days until my scheduled induction and maybe not even that long.

I keep wondering "why" eliza is growth restricted. I know my doc. said that my placenta isn't functioning as good as it needs too...but "why?" I am the girl who is seriously careful throughout my pregnancies! I will admit to having one caffeinated drink a day (this pregnancy) from around week 26 or so...which is totally ok! I am the girl who has taken a prenatal vitamin (the really expensive kind) everyday since March of 2005. I am scared to not take them....I guess I subconsciously feel like I better or else! Samuel's condition was like a 1 in 10,000 chance and growth restriction occurs in only 2-3% of all pregnancies. I always feel like we are good at getting in that narrow percentage!

I am praying, eating lots of extra calories, and doing lots of resting! I am so hoping that eliza will have fattened up a little this week. I am doing all I can!

I better run, Ella is jumping in her bed and counting! I am so proud of her counting skills...colors are still another subject! I just remembered that I forgot that she was 23 months yesterday. Can't believe she is almost two! I'll leave you with a few beach pics from last week!

Bed Rest Day 5

Today I got to get out and go to the doctor...so exciting! I had pretty much worked myself into a panic before going over eliza's movement. I had a NST first and it looked okay but maybe not as reactive as it should be and so I then had a biophysical profile ultrasound where they check for fluid levels, diff. blood pressure ratios, movements, breathing, swallowing. It was reassuring to us and to the doctor. My levels looked a little better than on Friday and she didn't feel the need to induce me today. We did learn from our ultrasound that miss eliza has some hair on the top of her head...didn't look like tons but some. I will continue on bed rest and go back and do it all again on Friday. I have an induction date set for Sept. 22 which is still 13 days away but she said we'll see if we make it there.

As we were leaving our sweet doctor made the comment that we must be trying to run the gamit (spelling) on Ob problems. We both agreed. Feeling more optimistic and better today...it is amazing what a ride in the car will do! Thanks for your prayers!