Back to Blogging

So, I am back to blogging.  Over the past year my blogging has slowed way down as life was busy,  full of challenges, and at times felt like we were still in survival mode.  I have decided once again to get back to blogging for a few reasons. 

1) I began working on turning my little ole blog into a blog book for our family.  I uploaded it all and it is too big to be in just one volume, so I need to split it up some more, but WOW!!  It is like the best family scrapbook ever!  It made me so excited to see five plus years of our life bound in book form.  My kids love to look at their scrapbooks.  They love to see themselves when they were babies and I hope they will one day read our blog book and see all the funny things they did when they were little.  I also hope they will see the hard times that were lived out while they were really to little to understand, and see that God makes all the difference.

2) I have also been motivated to blog again as I read the other night on one of my spina bifida mothering forums of a mother who had been diagnosed with a sweet baby girl with SB.  She was told her baby would be a vegetable, that she would have a poor quality of life, and that the best thing for her to do would be to terminate the pregnancy.  I so clearly remember being told on the day that we received Eli's diagnosis that the best thing for our family and for our then 2 1/2 year old and 18 month old, would be if this baby didn't make it.  Just writing that lie makes me so sad.  If you know my girls and our sweet brother you know that is just not the case.  He has been both the biggest surprise and blessing to our family.  We cannot get enough of his sweetness.  

I write all that to say that this sweet mother who was struggling through the regret she was feeling said that she wished she would have found the forum sooner.  She wished she would have read Spina Bifida blogs and learned more rather than just taking an uninformed doctor's opinion. There were many great blogs that encouraged me in those early days and as we went through fetal surgery.  I was so thankful to get a little peek at what children with spina bifida are like.  It is my goal to share with the world on my little piece of this thing called that Internet that Spina Bifida is not the end of the world and with Jesus, faith and hope, life is worth living. 

So, I look forward to once again sharing our family and I hope that someone will stumble across our little blog and be encouraged and find hope. 

And now for a big i phone photo dump!

The bear was having a baby! 

Three sleeping kids are always fun to get inside the house!

He loves his sissy's babies. 

But, he is all boy too!

The therapy train!  Big sisters don't like to be left out.  They love Mrs. Cindy too!

Ella teaching her class!

Oh the messes these two make!

My little artist.  He love to color.  Check at that bicep...little buddy has such strong arms!

Walking with his chair.

He climbed onto the stool without his braces.  This is something I really never thought possible.

Hey mom, what's for dinner?

Three good dental check-up!  Eli, hands down did WAY better than his big sisters did at their first visits.

Sweet sisters.  I am so glad they have each other. 

 

Sweet Eliza doing her cheers!

Check back soon to see more catch-up!

7 years later

7 years ago today I was on the verge of becoming a mom for the first time.  My tummy and other body parts were huge, I had counted down each and every week since I first saw those two pink lines, I had been having contractions for weeks and I knew my life was about to change forever. 

There was no nursery ready and waiting, no happy baby shower, no crib, stroller, freshly washed tiny baby clothes hanging in the closet, or even a diaper in the house.  The question still loomed if this would be a baby boy or a baby girl and late at night when the house was quiet we would talk about if we thought it would have red or blond hair. 

One might think that this little one was not wanted, due to the lack of our preparation, yet that was entirely not the case.  We'd planned, worked, saved and even calculated calendar months all in preparation for this little one.  The waiting to start a family had been longer than what I might have wanted at times, but we were determined to get out finances to the point where I could stay at home.  So yes, this little one was greatly wanted.

At my twenty week ultrasound a young and rather naive couple who was ready to shout the news of a boy or girl to the world, instead slipped silently out of a side door with tears still streaming.   That day, the office, the doctor, the circumstances are still fresh in my mind.  It was my first real personal taste of this hard, sinfilled world.  The one that doesn't always end in happily ever after.

So here we were 13 weeks later and waiting.  Waiting to welcome a baby who wouldn't survive.  We didn't know how long we would have or how the events would play through, but we knew that God had given us this child that we had prayed for and we would love it the best we could for every second or minute that we had.

I was a scared first time mom.  Scared of needles, hospital beds, epidurals...but I was even more scared of death, funerals, and how I would ever hand over my baby.

This story...Samuel's story is one that has so many parts.  It has reached and marked our little family in so many ways.  Seven years later I still do not understand the whys, and we all still miss what I imagine to be a fresh-faced, blue eyed, reddish blondish haired 7 year, old kicking soccer balls and keeping his little sisters and brother in order. What I would give to see what he would be like today.

What I do know is that God took a naive, young couple and put them to a big test and taught them that He could be trusted.  Not just in the big things, but in the little details of hard times.  He was teaching me a deeper trust and sacrifice of my life, one that I had not yet experienced on my own.  He was preparing me, preparing us for our future. 

God's ways are not mine.  I see so little and He sees it all. 

  

I am so thankful that 7 years ago in a tiny little hospital room, God trusted me with little bit of heaven, for one short day.