Reflections on my first postpartum days

Good thing a women "glows" so they say when pregnant because there aint no glowing in the first few postpartum days. This has been my roughest go of it yet. This being my 3rd delivery, I felt as though I was well prepared for what the first few days after having a baby is like. I am not someone who like to lay around, knocked up on pain meds. I like to get up and try to get ready for the day! It always makes me feel better.

Well, if you saw me today you'd see my in pjs, no make-up, hair pulled back, and just hoping tom. I will feel better. I nursed ella and had to let my milk dry up with Samuel which was pure torture. I am familiar with nursing and engorgement and how rough the process can be. However, I was not prepared for this. Mastitis on postpartum days 4&5. My milk came in with a vengeance and sweet little eliza is trying her best and cannot keep up. I have tried everything! Last night I began running a fever, chills, aching all over and couldn't function. I called the doc. on call and they called me in a prescription at 12am. My sweet hubby ventured out with all the crazies in the middle of the night to pick it up for me. I am still feeling pretty rough today. There is really no way to prepare for cracked and bleeding nipples, swollen breasts, pain and nursing every 2-3 hours. I really am committed to nursing for many reasons and I am praying I will make it through this stretch! Nursing is hard in the beginning and I know the rewards both financially and practically speaking of continuing! Don't ever let any tell you it is a piece of cake. Maybe this is why so many women are so passionate about it!

ella and eliza are doing great! They are sleeping well and adjusting great! Thank goodness. Ella seems to really love eliza now, although she is still being called Titus. We are still working on it. I am so thankful to be a new mommy, but I really cannot wait to feel like myself again. I this frump stage will pass...and the mastitis will hopefully clear up soon. Can't wait to get on with life!

Things I'd forgotten about having a newborn!

1. How teeny tiny they are...esp. when compared with an older sibling. Ella looks huge now!
2. How hard it is to function in the middle of the night when you are exhausted.
3. How sweet they smell....even sweet little newborn poop!
4. How nursing is so not fun in the beginning...not sure it is ever fun but so worth it....let's just say the milk factory has arrived!
5. How careful and protective my husband is over our babies. He is a complete germaphobe and uses tons and tons of purell everyday. I love him for that!
6. How frumpy the frump stage is!
7. How you can feel skinny after having a baby until you try on an normal piece of clothing!
8. How newborns make all kinds of funny sounds and faces. Ella used to scare me with her eye rolls and whimpers.
9. How great it is to leave the hospital with a baby it tow. There is so much pride in being wheeled out holding your baby!
10. How newborns poop so much! Oh my goodness....we have used almost 24 diapers in two days!
11. How much you can love something so small!

She's Here!

Most of my friends know by now that little Eliza Anne is here. We had a great delivery and she was bigger than we expected! She weighed 5lbs 15 oz. and is 18 inches long. She is a peanut and is so cute. We are still not totally sure what color her hair will be, but right now it is actually looking a little more brown than Samuel and Ella's looked at birth. She is doing great and is eating well. This is such an answer to prayer because Ella had such a difficult time nursing in the beginning. We are just so thankful to the Lord for another child to love and take home!

I had another fast delivery. Actually it was going slower than we expected and eliza was having some dips in her heart rate. My doctor was trying to keep me from getting worried but I could tell that she was worrying. I think after being my doctor through my pregnancy with Samuel, she always feels an added burden of getting my babies here safely. At 2:00 she checked me and I was at 6cm and still about 80%. Not bad but just not as fast as I went with ella. Around 2:25 my doc. and nurse came in to move me to my other side and I told her that on my last cont. I felt a little pressure. She said that would be the best news of the day! She checked me again and I was complete and eliza was coming. It became another mad panic to get the nursery people there and all the delivery stuff ready and I was trying not to push or scream. Yeah this was my most painful delivery for sure. My doc. said it was because she was coming so fast that my epi. wasn't able to block the pain. I don't know but it was not a fun few minutes. I was so thankful it was fast. She was born at 2:32...and was pink and crying. I cannot tell you what a blessing it is to have another healthy child.

Ella came to visit us last night and meet her sis. She thinks she is her cousin Titus. (Titus, please don't be offended...you def. don't look girly!) Maybe she is in denial that eliza is really here. She was very scared of mommy. My IV line was still in and I had some bandages on my arm. I think she was also scared of the hospital bed. She wouldn't even let me hold her. It did make me sad but I know she is so confused over all that has happened these past few days. She came by this morning and was better. She let me love on her some and still thinks that eliza is Titus. We have lots of adjusting to do in the next few weeks.

Thank you to all my friends and family who have been praying for us and for eliza. The Lord has once again been faithful and answered our prayers! Thank you for your sweet comments on facebook and my blog. It has meant so much to kevin and I. :)

Letters to my Girls

Dear Ella,
Tonight mommy's heart feels a mix of emotions! I didn't want to put you in bed tonight and can't imagine not being with you for a few days. We have never spent a night apart! You are my girl...my pickles, my lovey dovey, my sweet pea. I love you so much! Tomorrow you will become a big sister! You are gonna be an awesome big sister! Eliza is going to love watching you and learning from you. I know you will be a great helper and will take good care of her. I know you might feel sad sometimes when mommy is busy taking care of her. We will figure it out. I know you might wish you were a baby again sometimes and that is okay too. I will miss you tomorrow and I can't wait to see you at the hospital.
Love,
Mommy

Dear Eliza,
Tomorrow is a big day for the both of us! We both have lots of work to do. I feel nervous and yet so excited about tomorrow. I cannot imagine you yet...what you will look like...act like...who you will be. I know one thing is for sure, from the moment my eyes see you, my heart will love you forever. You will be my little girl. You get to be our baby. I cannot wait to watch you steal your daddy's heart just as your sister ella has done. Mommy is praying that you will come out healthy and strong tomorrow! I am praying that you are hungry and are a great eater! So nestle close inside for one more long night little one. Tomorrow is your Birthday!
Love,
Mommy

Count down to Baby!

I think Kev and I have to keep pinching ourselves that we are really almost at delivery day! I seriously feel like I have been pregnant for forever! I am not exaggerating when I say it has almost been an entire year! I know you are confused. We got pregnant early last October and then miscarried at 10 weeks! By the grace of God we pregnant again two weeks later with eliza so all in all it has been almost a full year. Can I just tell you how ready I am to not be wearing these maternity clothes. I may not fit in a single thing next week but I can assure you that I will not be wearing these same clothes. I will settle for anything else. I am just at that point that I think God created where you are so ready to not be pregnant that you don't care what has to happen to your body in order to get the baby out. Let's just say that I am no longer glowing!

Friday was another intersting appointment and eliza wasn't moving and reactive enough on the NST. So I got another ultrasound. With ella I had like 11 ultrasounds and I thought that I was back to being normal,but due to these past two and a half weeks I think I may have had more with eliza. I am thankful that she decided to wake up from her nap in time for the ultrasound and get back to moving! The bp through the cord has continued to improve and she was practicing her breathing like a little champ. So everything is set for early Tuesday morning.

We (I mean kev) has some big house cleaning to do tonight and tom. and I am gonna try to reach my toes one last time. We got ella a big sister present today...a new baby, her own baby wipes and baby doll diapers. Poor thing! This is gonna be a big week for her! I cannot wait to see her reaction to eliza and to finally see them together.

Thanks for your prayers and concern over my pregnancy and bed rest time. It was the longest 2 1/2 weeks of my life but I am thankful that we have almost made it. Please pray that eliza will be larger than expected and will be healthy and ready to come home with us. Thanks!

Worry!

Worry is such a terrible thing. It can put you in a crummy mood, steal your joy, make you feel sick, and make for a very long day! I woke up this morning around 4am full of worry! I normally don't feel that I am an overly worried person, but there are always certain big worries that bother me. Let me just tell you that being wide awake at 4am when you are on bed rest can make for a very long day! I felt that anxious feeling over my induction on Tues. I am no longer worried over being at the hospital, pain, needles like I was in my first pregnancy...but I was worried about the timing of it all. I had a super fast delivery with ella...like 4 hours from the beginning of the induction... and she was coming faster than my doctor could get back from lunch. I have that GB strep this time (I didn't have it with samuel or ella) and have to have the antibiotics prior to delivery. You have to have 4 hours between doses. My doctor said she was worried about this delivery going even faster and will be trying to slow things down. I was worried about getting the antibiotics and epidural in time! These are both things that I have absolutely NO control over but the worry over them was not fun.

I have a dermatology appointment in November that I have been putting off until after I have eliza. I have a few moles and sunspots that are very concerning to me. I read something in a magazine yesterday that really caused me to really worry. In my mind I already have skin cancer, facing major surgery on my face, and am dying leaving Kev alone with two little girls. Isn't this terrible. I do regularly go to the dermatologist because skin cancer runs in my family and hello...I am a prime candidate! This fear is one that seems to always get me.

As a mom I always worry over my kids. The worst thought in the world is something happening to them. I worry about big things like cancer or car wrecks! Fears like these can stop you in your tracks.

So at 4 am in the morning what is one to do. I wasn't gonna wake Kevin up and tell him that I was sitting in the pit of worry! He'd be half awake and not ready to give sound advice...trust me. I wasn't gonna call my mom...although she was most likely awake (she's a super early bird)...and let her help calm my worries. My only option was the only option that really can do anything about these worries at all. I laid in my bed and cried out to the Lord...confessing my fears and lack of faith. Trying to release these things to him and begging Him for protection over myself and my family. Thankfully I was able to go back to sleep after a few hours and woke up feeling so much better.

"Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you!"

Tuesday's appointment

I had a good appointment today other than the fact that it took 3 hours. I had an ultrasound, NST and then a regular check-up. Eliza appears to be growing and is now a little over 5 lbs. She is still small but my doc. said there is a margin of error and it could be up to a lb. I am praying she is larger than the ultrasound showed. We know she will be small but I am praying she may reach 6lbs before next Tuesday. Our induction date is set for next Tuesday morning. I feel excited just to have a for sure date. I was also excited to find out that I am still progressing even though I am on bed rest. I'll spare you the details. We also got good news that the blood pressure through the cord is continuing to improve...so on bed rest I'll continue! I can almost see the end in sight...and that makes me feel better. I have some new 3D pics of eliza that I will post later once we upload them.