Christmas at our House

e's loot

The Rose Petal Cottage that we found 60% off
the day before Christmas!

E in her room on Christmas morning..and
no she doesn't sleep in a bow! :)

Mommy and e on Christmas Eve
before church!

Daddy and e before church!

Christmas at Our House Cont.

Reading her new book in her new chair!

He's gonna love this!

Box says,"When you want to go out on a date."
Inside were gift cards for our fav. restaurants!
He's a great gift giver!

I hate this pic. is blurry! E thinks her
daddy is way cool!

e and mommy on Christmas morning!

Christmas at our House

E and her Bitty Baby who got a new dress for Christmas!

She actually liked this hat!

E and Uncle Ry-Ry and Christmas night!

Christmas Night!

Me and Mom

Pray for baby Stellan

I am asking you to pray for baby stellan. I do not know this family personally but have followed their blog for a while now. Their youngest was diagnosed in utero with a fatal heart condition and was born healthy! Miracles do happen. He now has taken a very severe case of RSV and is in the PICU. Please pray for this family. They are believers and are asking for our prayers. You can link to their blog by clicking on MC miracle button on my sidebar. Thanks

Glad viruses are only 24 hours!

Whew! yesterday was one of those days you would rather just mark off the calendar. I woke up in the night on Fri. feeling very nauseous...I kept telling my self to go back to sleep...hopefully I was dreaming. Well. I woke up on sat. morning to realize it hadn't been a dream and in fact I had caught a dreaded stomach bug! I hate...I mean I detest...with everything in me... a stomach virus. I literally did not get out of bed all day except to...well you know and to try to take a shower in which i almost passed out. I am so thankful to have woken up today feeling 100% back to normal. (Now my dad and sis have it...sorry!) Aren't you glad these things aren't short...I mean literally I think if it had been any longer I'd just told kev to shoot me and put me out of my misery! Thankfully most trials in life are somewhat similar...they come...and they hit hard but thankfully with the Lord's strength we recover and regain our strength.

We had a great morning at church. Since I was feeling so so much better I was ready to get out of the house. Our Sunday school lesson was on 1 Samuel:1 which is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. I remember ready it...probably really reading it for myself..the summer of 2000 when I worked at a summer camp. I still have my thoughts that I jotted in my bible. This was pre-marriage/pre-kids but even then I was amazed at what Hannah did. I found it hard to believe that a mother who wanted a child so much....that her crying and anguish was thought to have been drunkenness would be willing to totally and completely consecrate her child back to God. I'm sure you all realize that this is one of the reasons we named our Samuel.....Samuel. I had no choice in giving him back to the Lord....but Hannah did. What faith and commitment to the Lord. If it would have been me I'd tried to forget that I'd promised to give the child back to the Lord or probably tried to delay the weaning until he was like....grown. But she was faithful and I wonder if in heaven every time a woman who is struggling through the loss of a child or through infertility reads her story she realizes the impact that her faithfulness God has had!



In closing...I love children's books! I love how simple they are...how they make you think! I read this one the other day and loved it. I'd thought you'd enjoy it too. I can't wait to read it to e as she grows. I can just hear the conversations we will one day have about heaven...when she is old enough to realize that she has a big brother who is already there. I hope you like it! The cover is at the top... as I can't figure out how to get it here!

God Gave Us Heaven
A children's book written by Lisa Tawn Bergren
"Papa, what's heav'n?""Why, heaven is God's home... the most amazing place we'll ever get to see.""More amazing than Glacier Bay?" Little Cub asked. "Glacier Bay is the best place ever.""Yes, Little Cub. Even better than Glacier Bay. God has great plans for you, Little Cub.""For me?""For you. Both here, and later, when we get to heaven. God loves us and never wants to be far from us. He's made a way for us to be with him forever, in heaven.""When do we get to see heaven, Papa?""When our life here is over.""When we die?""Yes, Little Cub, when we die.""Will I be old like Grandma when I go to heaven?""I hope so, Little Cub. I hope you get to live a long and full life before you see heaven. But some of us get to see it sooner than others.""They do? How come?""They get sick or something bad happens. But the good news is that no matter what bad things happen here, nothing bad happens in heaven!""Nothing bad at all?""No more tears, no more sadness, no more pain. Only good. Only smiles!"Little Cub thought on that for a while. "Will we eat in heaven?""Will be eat? Will we eat! We'll have more food than we need! It'll be the best of all polar bear feasts!""Every day?""Every single day.""What else will we do in heaven?""Worship God and explore the best place we've ever seen.""Will we get bored of that?""I doubt it. Heaven will be a million times better than even this!""Can we take our stuff to heaven?""No, we won't need our stuff there, Little Cub." He paused and lifted her backpack from her shoulders. "Feel how heavy that is? Doesn't it feel good to have it off of you?"Little Cub nodded."Sometimes we think we need stuff, but it's just more weight for us to carry. Our best stuff doesn't weigh anything at all- stuff like love, family, friends, and faith. That's where our real blessings are.""What will God look like, Papa?""Hmm... you know what Mama looks like? How she looks like love to us? God will be like that...""Cept a hundred times better!""Exactly!""Will we be angels?""No. Only angels are angels. God made us polar bears for a reason.""Shoot. I want to fly."Papa laughed. "Me too. But you never know what we'll get to do in heaven. I bet we'll think it's even better than flying.""Will I get to see you in heaven?""I think so, Little Cub. I think we'll see all our loved ones there. It will be like the best family reunion ever.""How do we get there, Papa? To heaven, I mean.""Hmm... Let's say this side of the canyon is life here, on earth. And that side over there- where we find the path home- is heaven. God knew that our bad choices might keep us from him forever. Might even wash us away! He didn't want that. He loves us too much. So he sent his very own Son, Jesus, to be our bridge. All we have to do is walk across it to head toward our forever home."Little Cub thought on that. "I like Jesus," she said."So do I, Little Cub. So do I.""Will I have a room in heaven?""Oh yes, there will be many rooms in heaven.""Will it be as cozy as mine?""The coziest ever, Little Cub.""Will I sleep in heaven?" she said with a yawn.It had been a very big day. Papa yawned too and they giggled together."Heaven will be full of all the things we love most," Papa said. "And right now, sleep sounds heavenly to me."Little Cub went to sleep and dreamed of seeing God and his angels, of singing and smiling all day long. Of her best friends and her whole family being with her forever. Of playing, of laughing, of everything good. And she was glad, so glad, that God had given them all heaven.

Merry Christmas

We have had a wonderful Christmas morning. I will write more about it later and post some pics. We have been given so much from our families and each other that I feel a bit overwhelmed. I even need to go back through it all to see what all we've gotten. I realize how extremely blessed we are and I am thankful....just feeling a little spoiled!

Christmas is such a wonderful time of the year and yet for many it can be a difficult time as well. As loved ones adjust to spending this special time of year without the ones they love. It is never far from my mind on Christmas day...what is going on in heaven! I wonder what my little almost 3 year old little boy is doing today! Oh I wish I could see! I know my mind cannot comprehend the grandeur of a Christmas in Heaven. I mean it has to way top even the best and most beautiful sights this world can think up! I also know it is way better than anything Kev or I could buy or put together. I found this poem the first Christmas after we lost Samuel and I've liked it since. Maybe it will be comforting for those who are dreaming of a Heavenly Christmas as I am today!

My First Christmas In Heaven
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Whew!

Well, it is only a little after noon and I have already seen the pediatrician and my OB/Gyn today. e has had a runny nose for a week, then a mild rash and then last night she threw up in her crib...around 2am. I sent Kev into check on her because she was crying. I was half asleep and all I remember was him yelling I need you up now! Needless to say she got to sleep with mommy and daddy for the rest of the night. I took her in first thing this morning...and the doc. thinks it is just viral and likely ending. I think she may have coughed some which made her get sick. At least I'm hoping! So far so good today. She is playing well and eating well! Praise the Lord!

So I got home and my cell phone rang and it was my ob. She said that the pathologist had called her this morning and something odd showed up in the pathology report. She said I needed to be checked asap and that most likely it was just a contamination in the report but that it could indicate a serious problem for me. Oh great! So off i flew to the doc. My dad babysat e and my mom went with me. I think my nerves and my mom's are about shot but luckily we were able to make ourselves laugh while we waited. Evidently the report could have signified that some of my bowels were sucked into my uterus during the procedure and if that were the case I would be well as she said...close to death at this point. I had told her on the phone that I had been feeling okay and did not feel near death but I think she just had to see me to believe it herself. So more lab work and an ultrasound and good news...looks like I am not dying after all. I tell you if it is rare... I mean like never happens to anyone else... chances are it'll happen to me. My Doc. just called back and said my labs look normal. Praise the Lord for another good report!

So maybe life can calm down just a little for me to wrap my head around the fact that tom. is Christmas Eve. I mean I don't want to be so flustered, busy and consumed with my own concerns that I miss it...

You know a year can make a big difference in one's life. I remember Dec. of 2006. We'd spent the entire year after losing Samuel trying to get pregnant. We even had our second IUI done at 10am on Christmas eve..not because that was our timing but because it was my body's timing. I was worn out yet hopeful. We didn't get pregnant that cycle either but you know what it was just around the corner. If only on December 24th 2006 I could have seen myself on December 24th 2007! I would have seen that God's timing was perfect...that I had the baby girl that I'd always prayed for...I would have seen the blessing! I keep reminding myself of that as I know that this Christmas may not look exactly like I had planned...I'd planned to be 12 weeks pregnant and glowing..but God knows what He has going on. I only wonder what we will be on December 24th, 2009! Don't loose faith.

Cloudy

Today is a gloomy and cloudy day...and to be honest I am feeling quite gloomy and cloudy inside today. The nurses tried to prepare me that I would be having some major hormonal changes taking place as my body realizes that I am no longer pregnant...and I definitely feel that today. Today I feel disappointed and discouraged. I know these are normal feelings that I will have to work through. The thing that is the most frustrating today is that I am feeling disappointed with God. I feel as though my faith has also taken a nose dive today. I just don't see His plan or purpose in this and I feel confused. I am not asking for any deep theological advice...in fact I know the right responses to most of my thoughts and feelings...today I am just not feeling it. I hate even writing such a depressing blog but I want to be honest that life is hard and hurts are real...and Christians are not immune. The Bible says that we do have a comforter...and that is what I need. I need the peace that passes all understanding, I need joy unspeakable, I need my friend that sticketh closer than a brother, I need hope for the future, I need the Lord.

"When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you." Is. 43:2
"Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28
"Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name."Ps. 142:7
"He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season." Ps. 1:3
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Ps. 147:3
"So do not fear, I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous hand." Is. 41:10
"And I heard a loud voice form the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. he will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Rev. 21:3-4
"But you, O Lord, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me." Ps. 22:19

Seek God in your darkness and He will be your light.
Seek God in your questions and He will be your answer.
Seek God in your anger and He will be your peace.
Seek God in your sorrow and He will be your comforter.
Seek God in your uncertainty and He will be your confidence.
Seek God in your sin and He will be your redeemer.
Seek God in you forgiveness and He will be your salvation.
Seek God in your salvation and He will be your eternity.
Kathe Wunnenberg

Wow...blogging is pretty therapeutic...I am feeling better already.

Recovery

Thanks so much for all the prayers and kind words of encouragement. I promise that soon my blog will be a happy and upbeat one!

Yesterday went as well as possible. We arrived at the hospital at 1:00 and the surgery was set for 3 pm. Well around 1:30 they took me back to my small little waiting room to prep me. Kev had to sit in the waiting room while they did that. I got changed into my lovely hospital attire and they told me to wait for my nurse. Well the river of tears began and the reality of the day hit. I cried and cried and when my nurse came in the first thing she said was, "Honey who did you bring with you today...I'll go get him." Once Kev got back there I felt better! What would I do without him. They got the IV going and put on some fancy leg warmers..they called it a leg massage (to prevent clotting) those things drive me crazy. So I was preparing for 3 o'clock. Well three came and went and finally around 3:45 the anesthesiologist came in and said the surgery was now set for 5! Whew....more waiting. The IV kept me busy..having to go the bathroom every 15 min....my poor nurse. My dad arrived and waited with us...my mom was busy chasing e all day. My dad has a very calming effect...I guess it is from years of hanging with people during difficult events! He prayed with us and chatted and stayed with kev until I was in recovery. Finally around five they came and got me. I was nervous...mainly just about being in the OR. I have a weird thing about hospitals...they freak me out a bit. I used to be terrified of needles...I mean I almost didn't go to college because I had to get 3 shots...no kidding. Well, the past 4 years have cured that fear for sure.
They wheeled me back and I remember my sweet doc. leaning over and telling me she was there. I love her. She has been there for me on the hardest days of my life. If you need a good OB/gyn in my area she is great! Then they gave me oxygen and off to dreamland I went. I think the procedure was about 30 min. and went well. I woke up very groggy in recovery and felt like I was dreaming. I got back to the room and got my favorite hospital treat...cold apple juice with crunchy ice cubes. I wasn't able to eat all day so I was hungry! The nurses dressed me...yes that was very weird...and wheeled me out! It was over my 10 week pregnancy was over.
I have to say that for someone who has such fear and anxiety about pregnancy...I love being pregnant. It is such an exciting and hopeful time as you begin to know that you family is growing. We need direction about what we need to do. We both want and long for a big family. We both always have. I am beginning to question if that is God's plan for us or just ours. I don't know why we have had such a hard time growing out family. It seems as though it is easy for so many...yet I know it has been very difficult for others as well.
I feel pretty good today. Just pretty sore but better than I expected. I am sad that once again we are back to square one...but hopeful as to what the future will hold as we try to remain faithful to the Lord. I love my dad's def. of faith. It is trusted in and holding to Jesus when people, situations, and circumstances say otherwise. And there is nothing that pleases the Lord like exercised faith. I pray we will be found faithful...even when we don't understand.
I'm gonna lay on the couch some more and find me a good Christmas movie to watch. Have a good night.

Earthly Home vs. Heavenly Home

Today I have once again added children to my heavenly home. This morning we arrived at my ob and I was a nervous wreck...sweating while freezing cold...and stomach in a mess...knowing that our future would be determined by this appointment.

My doctor who I love began the ultrasound and I knew by the look on her face that we'd lost our little one. The heart had stopped beating and no more growth had occurred. Once we knew I began to calm down a little ...at least I knew.

I am scheduled for a D&C this afternoon...which is super fast..but which the holidays approaching this seemed like the best option for us. I have to be there at one and the surgery should be around 3pm.

What do I KNOW....What am I telling myself today!

1. God will be with me and my doc. in the operating room today.

2. Disappointments are really His appointments.

3. God loves me and is not against me.

4.God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.

5. If this earthly life was perfect...I wouldn't be thankful to get to heaven.

6. God has richly blessed us.

7. My doctor may not know the Lord in a personal way and this gives me yet another means to be a light for her.

8. Samuel has a new brother or sister in heaven today. My mom who has never been wrong on the gender of any grandchild thought this was another boy...so did we.

9. God has given me a precious little girl who is active and growing and needs me each day.

Thank you friends for your prayers.

Almost there...

I have to say that this has been a very long week of waiting! I am one who is not naturally very patient. Just ask my husband! I have spent this week dealing with mixed emotions. I seem to fluctuate daily from hopeful, to realistic, to scared and then back to hopeful! I have prayed...oh how I have prayed. Funny how a crisis in our lives brings us to our knees better than anything else! Every night I seem to wake up around 3:30 and just pray until I eventually go back to sleep. I have prayed and I know my family and friends have been praying. I am so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends. I have also googled until I am out of things to google and I have read and read about embryonic development! I can even tell the embryo size ranges according to various weeks of development....my head is tired! I have looked out the calendar and tried my best to figure out how my dates were so off...over and over!

So Fri. is almost here and hopefully it will give us more direction! As I have prayed I have asked the Lord for a miracle...not just a little miracle but that He would show Himself and Powerful tomorrow. That there would be no way to explain the growth of this baby other than the fact that God did it! He is the God of the impossible. But if God chooses to take this baby on to heaven...still I will trust Him.. still I will Love Him, still I will worship Him as Mighty and Powerful and Good and Loving! Praying for my Christmas miracle tom.

Going Private???

So I was going to make my blog private...but then would anyone be able to read it..then it would def. just be a glorified diary for sure! I want friends and family to read...I really have enjoyed sharing what is going on in our daily life. So I decided to not make it invitation only at this point...that might just kill my blog...but if you are a reader feel free to leave me a comment!

Going Private

I have decided to not have my blog just completely open...I get a little nervous since I post pics of us here! I would love you if you read it to still read it...just ask and you can view it. I've got to figure out how this works but for now I am gonna do this! Julie

Pippi Longstocking!

I tried to make e some pig tails for the first time the other day! They were so cute...although now I understand a little better as to why mine were always crooked when I was little!

A Busy Weekend!

Can't you tell he loves me taking pics. in public!

ready to eat!

My date!

Aren't you impressed! He even did the dots like the
cookie co. does!

First of all I'd like to thank each of you for your prayers and sweet comments. I can't begin to tell you the how the Lord began to lift my anxiousness on Thursday...not long after asking you all to pray. Thursday was my 29th birthday! Can't believe I am almost done with my 20's! I still see myself at about 22! Maybe I should look deeper into the mirror!

Kevin had already taken the day off for my birthday and to take his final exam for the class he has taken this fall. After a long restless night I woke up on Thursday to my husband who made me a delicious cookie cake...and french toast, two of my favs! I always say I want a cookie cake from the mall...those things are super expensive..and so my super frugal hubby decided he could do it himself...and he did! He researched...I guess on google...how to make a cookie cake...bought parchment paper (didn't know he even knew what that was) and bought a cake decorating kit! It looked great and tasted great too!

For my gift he made me a DVD of our honeymoon footage to Colorado and a few of our other vacations. We had never been able to watch the video because it was on a small video camera tape...and the camera didn't belong to us! Needless to say it was fun to watch..and see how much younger we looked...already!

Friday night Kev took me out to dinner! This was such a treat because this was our first date just him and I since the night before e was born. Don't get me wrong we've gone out a few times with friends but not just the two of us. We had a great time. We ate at one of my favorite downtown restaurants and strolled the streets! We had dessert at my all time favorite dessert place and then headed home!

Sat. we enjoyed our Sunday School class progressive dinner. We had over 40 people packed into vans, cars and houses. We had tons of delicious food and fellowship!

I am thankful for a busy week that distracted my brain from worry! Kev taught on Mary and Joseph yesterday. It was a great lesson and reminded me that as a servant of Christ my response always needs to be Yes Lord....just as Mary said it Luke 1:38

Mary said, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to do whatever He wants."

I am trusting the Lord for a miracle on Fri. I am praying that the baby will have made a great growth spurt and be measuring closer to what we think it should be. I am praying that it will have a strong heartbeat. I am praying that I will praise the Lord for this answer to prayer.

All the while I am telling the Lord that He knows better than me what this child needs. He knows better than me what I need. More than I need a child... I need to become more like Christ...and I know He will be faithful to me on the mountain and in the valley!

Asking for your prayers!

This is not the way I've intended for this post to go...but I am at the point in which I need my friends and loved ones to once again pray for the life of my unborn child. Yes, we are pregnant...surprise! I have been so proud of myself over the last weeks for keeping this secret. Those of you who know us know that in our 2 previous pregnancies we've began sharing the news almost immediately. This time for some reason I've been content to just wait! I've longed for the day when I could shock my friends by saying...hey by the way we are pregnant and in the 2nd trimester...I was gonna wait a while longer to share.

For those of you who don't know us well I'll give you a super fast version of my long pregnancy file..which I was told yesterday at the doc. was huge! First pregnancy...easy until 20 weeks and the bottom feel out...lost our little Samuel at 33 weeks! Struggled to conceive after losing Samuel...had two super early miscarriages or chemical pregnancies...pretty much got positives only to a few days to a week later lose it. Continued to struggle to conceive...resulted in 3 infertility procedures...and thankfully conceived on the 3rd with our precious little e. Sorry I know that was way more than you ever wanted to know about me.

So after weaning miss e a few months ago we began trying again. We both long for more children..they are such a blessing. bam...pregnant the first month. All I can say is thank you Lord because of the struggle that it was last time. So thankful...I've just been breezing through my first trimester...very sleepy and a little nauseous here and there...no complaints.

Yesterday was my first appointment. I should have been like 8 weeks and 5 days according to my calculations of my LMP...but knowing that it could be off even a week due to the fact my body was still a little crazy do to just weaning e. So once again I lay on the ultrasound table and my life flashes before me. I cannot tell you the anxiety associated with ultrasounds for me....literally the outcome can change you life forever! So here is what you all want to know. Our baby measured very small at only 6 weeks. I know and would bet my life that I have to be more than six weeks...I've had a positive preg. test for almost that long. The hopeful thing is that the baby did have a good heartbeat...just measuring so much smaller than we thought. I left in complete worry and barely slept last night.

I am asking the Lord..that His will be done. I know from past experiences He is loving and good and will not leave me in my time of need. My doc. who I am not sure is a Christian but who we have been able to witness to over the years actually was trying to remind me of my faith yesterday...I think it was weak. She told us that we had been through the worst situation she'd faced with Samuel and had one of the best pregnancies and deliveries she'd had with e! She even told us to rely on our faith until next Fri. when we go back for another scan.

So friends...not how I intended to share the news of this pregnancy...but once again we need to you petition the father for our child! Hoping one day to just have a simple, easy pregnancy...I know you all would be thankful for that! Please pray that I can keep busy and not let my mind drive me crazy until next Fri. Pray that this little baby will continue to grow and the little heart will continue to beat. Thanks

6 years Ago Tonight...

Us in Tuscon Arizona

San Diego, California

Disney Cruise!

One of the only pic. we have of when I was preg. with
Samuel. What a great husband who was with me every step
of the way!

.......Kev asked me to be his wife. At times it seems like only yesterday and then at times it seems like we've lived two lifetimes since then. Just for memory sake...I'll take you on a walk down memory lane. I was expecting the proposal any day. We had already put a down payment to build a house...I knew it was coming. In fact I asked my dad everyday if he had seen or spoken to Kevin that day. It was a Fri. night and we went out on a date..which back then we did pretty much every Fri. and Sat. night....my how things change! We went downtown to a great Italian restaurant....and I was anxious and excited...just ready for him to pop the question already! Well we ate...and no ring...instead of strolling the beautiful street of our hometown we headed to the truck. I wanted to suggest a stroll..thinking it would make a perfect scene...him on one knee...old homes in the background...Christmas lights twinkling below....but I refrained...hoping he had a plan. So in the truck we got and he proceeded to leave downtown...couldn't for the life of me figure out what the plan was...I mean this had to be the night. As we were almost leaving downtown he made a turn and headed toward a local gazebo. We got out and strolled a bit and sat on the steps of the gazebo...my heart was pounding ...I knew it was coming. He got down on one knee and said a bunch a sweet things..that I really can't remember but to the effect that he knew God wanted him to marry me and he placed the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen on my finger. One thing about Kev..if he is gonna buy something..say a tv, refrigerator, or ring...he's gonna research the thing to death and buy the best...and he sure did. I think he thought if he got me a great ring he'd never be required to buy jewelry again. Needless to say we were over the moon excited. We had a strange dating relationship....met on a blind date the previous Jan. dated until June...broke up (he needed to find his way..poor guy...but the best thing that ever happened to our rel.)...in Sept. we started hanging out only as friends...every night after work he'd come over to my parents. We kept it totally a friendship...even though I really liked him...and then in Nov. he told me he loved me! I think the next weekend we were house shopping and the next weekend we got engaged. Sometimes I'd think...this is so fast. Especially when compared to previous relationships we'd both been in...but one thing I can say is that the Lord always gave me complete peace about marrying Kev. I am so glad I did!

Win a Sling!

One thing that I never got when I had e was a sling! I had a front carrier that was...so difficult to wear. I used it a few times when trying to clean and she wanted to be held. Needless to say it was a waste. I check the 30 days sight often because she does a free give away every week. All you have to do is comment and you are entered. Check it out...you can click on the 30 days button on my sidebar. My favorite sling pattern is the chloe...hopefully it will come in handy one day in the future...and maybe I'll get lucky and win!

Christmas!

I love Christmas time...I always have. It is definitely the most wonderful time of the year in my opinion. I love the shopping, baking, decorating..dressing e in cute festive clothes, seeing the lights...and on and on! I think sometimes in my mind I want a Southern Living/Pottery Barn kind of Christmas...you know the scene where everyone is perfectly festive, the house is all a glow, the turkey is plump and on the table, and the snow is covering the ground. Everything in those pictures look so perfect...like the perfect holiday...just as it should be! I was amazed the other day that my 3 year old nephew was so enamored with my Christmas Village! He sat looking at each piece forever...wanting to see the people inside. Sometimes don't you just want to jump into those little villages and camp out! Maybe it's just me!

I came across this poem several months ago and saved it on my computer. I loved the message of it and hopefully it will help me to remember to focus on the true meaning of Christmas!

CORINTHIANS 13 CHRISTMAS VERSION

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata, but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.

Love sets aside decorating to kiss the husband.

Love is kind, though harried and tired.

Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.

Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never fails.

Thanksgiving

I wanna play outside too!

The Grandkids...for now!

The girls minus Jess...:(

We've enjoyed a great Thanksgiving week and day. Kev keeps saying that he cannot believe that his vacation is almost over. We ate a Thanksgiving brunch with Kev's family at 10:00 on Thanksgiving morning and then an early dinner with my family around 2:30. It was a long and busy day..especially with a little one. She had her fair share of family, love and getting into mischief! Thanksgiving is def. busier with a little one...no more afternoon naps on Thanksgiving day. We got home and put e to be at 6:20. She was so tired from her non-napping day...and so was her mommy! I headed out at 5 am on Fri. to finish my Christmas Shopping. I had a list and got most of what I needed! You wouldn't know we are in a recession from the looks of our mall. I love the hustle bustle of holiday shopping. Only 26 more shopping days left! Merry Christmas!

Thanksgiving Day 6

In Ephesians Paul tells the believers to "give thanks always for all things.' Eph. 5:20

One man of God told of meditating on this verse while he was brushing his teeth one morning. He was challenged by the thought of thanking God for everything! He said. " I began thanking God for my toothbrush. Then I thanked Him for the toothpaste. Then I realized that I had never thanked God for my teeth!" Thehe went on to ask this probing question, "If tomorrow's supply depended on today's thanksgiving, how much would I have tomorrow?" Taken from www.reviveourhearts .com

As you go about your day, try thanking God for all things both big and small!

Small things I am grateful for:

my comfy bed, my warm house, shoes and clothes, having my Christmas decorations up, new shampoo and conditioner(sometimes just a switch really helps my hair) my flat iron that gets my curls out, my comfy socks I wear all day everyday, Chick-fli-A, that e can drink her milk all by herself now, my camera that is hot pink, my new shirt I got today, a day spent with Kev and e, that I have family close by, Christmas lights on homes, cold weather, oatmeal..esp. the cinnamon roll kind, and there are so many more!

happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Day5

Today's assignment was to write a letter of gratitude to three of the people listed yesterday thanking them for the blessing they have been in your life. I guess I've got some writing to do.

We went to our Thanksgiving meal at church tonight. It is always on the Tues. before Thanksgiving and always how we begin our Thanksgiving Celebration. Lots of yummy food!

Thanksgiving Day 4

Today's assignment was to make a list of other individuals who have blessed or touched your life. These can include pastor's, teachers, friends, business associates, neighbors, or leaders of Christian ministry.

There are many people outside my family who are dear to me and who the Lord has used throughout my life in different ways.

1. Mr. Doug at Church...he is the kindest greeter you will ever meet. He always makes me feel loved and special.

2. Louise M....a special lady to me.

3. Kev's Aunt Pam..she is so loving and giving to me. She always finds sweet ways to bless our family.

4. Our Sunday School Class..friends who are always there when needed. They model Christ love through their actions...cooking meals, sending cards, praying when needed.

5. Tina G....she organized a prayer chain for me when I was pregnant with e and would randomly call women in our church directory each time I went in for an ultrasound. She has two small kids who keep her busy and this was so kind. I know the prayers helped!

6. My Church as a whole.

7.E's pediatrician Dr. Traynham. It is a blessing to have a Christian doctor who you trust when taking care of your sick child.

8. Our neighbors Pete and Whitney...such a blessing to have Christian neighbors who we trust and know are there if we need anything...like and egg or something:)

I know there are many many more people who have blessed my life. I am thankful for you all!

A Week Of Thanksgiving Days 2&3

This weekend was a bit busy...from shopping, decorating our house (for yes Christmas) and other activities I am finally sitting day to post days 2&3 of the Thanksgiving study I found for this week. (See the last post to locate it.)

Day 2

Make a list of all the material and spiritual blessings you can think of that you have received from the Lord. Thank God for them!

Spiritual Blessings (rec. to read the first Ch. of Ephesians if you need help)

1.I have confidence of my salvation from Jesus Christ.

2. I have been forgiven for my sins.

3. I will have a home in heaven when I die.

4. God has given me peace and help through the rough spots in life.

5. God continues to show me my need for more of Him in my life.

6. God has been both good and kind to me even when I didn't deserve.

7. God has a plan and purpose for my life.

8. God has blessed me with a church that loves me and loves the Lord.

Material Blessings

1. I have a family who loves me.

2. I have friends who care about me.

3. I have a church that i love.

4. I have a home that the Lord blessed us with at just the right time in our lives.

5. I have clothes...too many...and way too many shoes.

6. We have 3 cars...wanting to sell one...we are so blessed!

7. I have pretty much everything I want...doesn't that sound terribly spoiled...it's the truth!

8. I have lots of pretty things in my home...I am feeling more and more selfish!

9.I have food...we have a well stocked pantry...and if I needed more I know tons of places I could get it!

These are just a few! I am so blessed! I know most of the world's population would give anything to live my life...even for a day! Thank you Lord for these many blessings that I do not deserve!

Day 3

Today's assignment is to focus on gratitude for your family members...and write qualities that you are grateful for about each person.

My husband Kev- hardworking, so giving, so loving, loves to make me happy, loves helping others, passionate about the Lord and serving Him!

Daughter E- so funny, so loving, loves to snuggle with me, loves be right with me, I love that she has my hair, she makes my life so so much fun!

Dad- committed and giving...my dad has faithfully preached God's word every Sun. for the almost 29 years of my life (except for the 2 sun. he takes for vacation) He is faithful to study and seek the Lord...and he has never once in my life acted prideful about his knowledge or service to the Lord. He is very humble.

Mom-Giving and giving and giving...she will do anything she canyo help us girls. She always makes time to spend with her grandchildren and children..even if it is just a chat on the phone. She loves the Lord and has been a Godly example of a wife and mother to me.

Sister Joy-Compassionate...when you have a sick child joy is so understanding...(probably because one of her children have already had that sickness) She is also fun to just hang out with. We do that a lot! I ask her for lots of advice about babies and pregnancies and such.

Sister Jess- Sentimental and strong...she may not feel strong some days but I feel she is as she has gone about lots of changes this past year and continues to trust the Lord and seek His will for her life. I admire her!

This is just my immediate family. I could go on about my great brother-in-laws and others but you get the point. The Lord has truly blessed me with a wonderful family and I am so thankful for each of them.

Ephesians 1:16-19 " I have never stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you might grow in the knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the wonderful future he has promised to those he called. I want you to realize what a rich and glorious inheritance he has given to his people." (NLT)

Being Thankful

Since Thanksgiving is almost here I want to spend the next few days focusing on being thankful I found some great material that I am planning on using at http://www.reviveourhearts.com/ that I am going to be using in my personal devotion time. I really liked it because it focuses on being thankful for different areas of my life and is broken into seven days.

Day 1 the reading is from Colossians 1:3&12

2:7

3:15,17

I really like Col. 2:7 "Let your roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with THANKSGIVING for all he has done." (NLT)

Col. 3:15 "And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members f one body you are all called to live in peace. And always be THANKFUL." (NLT)

And Col. 3:17 is def. convicting to me...."And whatever you do or say let it be as a representation of the Lord Jesus, all the while giving THANKS through him to God the Father."

Truth is we all have so much to be thankful. Hope you will join me these next 7 days in focusing on what the Lord has done for us!

A few pics for the Fam!

Riding along in my automobile...my baby beside me...


I luv she-sha!


here are a few pics of e for autie she-sha in Oregon! We love and miss you! Can't wait till Christmas to see you looking nice and prego!

Easy Crockpot Chili Soup

This recipe is from my friend Tina. I tried it last night and we loved it! The best part is that it makes a lot and is super easy! Thought I'd share! I am always looking for new, easy recipes...please feel free to share with me! I'd love them!

2 lbs ground beef browned (You can use 1 lb turkey and 1lb beef if you want)

2 cans Minestrone soup

2 cans Rotell (I used mild and it still gives it a kick..You can sub. diced tom. if you don't like the heat)

2 cans Pinto beans

One Med. log of Velveeta Cheese (there are 3 sizes of Velveeta and you need the med. one)

Add it all in your crock pot and cook for a few hours until warm. I cooked it on low for about 3 hours and it was perfect!

I also cooked Jiffy cornbread and the sweetness went well with the spicy soup! Hope you enjoy! Let me know if you try it!

Christmas Shoppping!

So the Christmas Shopping rush is right around the corner. I love Christmas shopping! Well, let me clarify...I love to go out with my mom and sisters..I love the hustle bustle, I love the Christmas music playing in stores....but I really prefer to have all my shopping done before Thanksgiving so I can "enjoy" Christmas shopping! I know I am weird! I haven't done as well this year. In fact I haven't bought one single gift for any of the guys in our family! I always have a harder time picking out gifts for them! I have done pretty good on getting a head start for the females and niece and nephews!

I was in Bath and Body...a staple shop for great gifts and I found a great little gift for just 5 Dollars! This would make a great teacher gift (teachers really prefer Bath and Body lotions over the rose floral stuff from Wal-mart...Trust ME!) I also thought these would be great to give individually if you just needed something small to add! My favorite scent right now is the Winter Candy Apple...but my mom really likes the Twisted Peppermint! It smells good too...a lot like cotton candy to me! Just thought I'd share a cheap gift idea with you! Better get them soon while they are only $5.00! Happy shopping!

Discipline

E is now 13 months and everyday I am seeing the need for more and more discipline. I really don't like to discipline. As a teacher this was always the hardest part for me. I think as the years went by I got better at consistency and having high expectations for the behavior of my students...and as the year would progress I would def. see the benefit of this. On days that I was tired or just felt like being a nice teacher...I also would see the need for consistency and rules. Now that e is growing she is challenging me more and more. Oh for the days when she would just sit and let me snuggle her. If you've seen us at church lately you've probably seen me chasing after her or seen me wrestling to hold her. I am praying for the Lord to give me wisdom as I enforce rules and expectations even at this young age....and pulling back out my parenting books!

We Survived

We survived our garage sale of 2008! WHEW...def. much easier than our garage sale of 07...I was 6 months pregnant and it was the middle of a very hot summer! I vowed that I would never do it again! But... I am one who loves to get rid of anything we are not using. I hate clutter and I find enjoyment in cleaning out closets! I know...please no hate mail! So every year I go room by room and clean out everything that is not being used or no longer needed and we have a garage sale. The best part is that whatever I make Kev lets me keep (that sounds like he never gives me money...he does I assure you) but I get to keep my cash and I don't even have to tell him what I spend it on! The joys of life on a budget. I am looking forward to heading to the mall this week. Oh, did I tell you that one of e's favorite words is Tar-get! It is too cute. She is working on Cost-Co and almost has it down. Happy Monday!

Nov. 7 Defined my Pro-life view

Nov. 7th, 2005 was a day that changed me forever. I was almost 26 and 20 weeks pregnant with my first child. My husband K and I had planned on having a family since we got married but the timing was finally right to start our family. We tried once and to our surprise we got pregnant (I don't say that bragging because it surely wasn't that easy the second time around.) I say that to note that this was God's plan.

Back to Nov. 7th, we arrived at my ob office for my 20week ultrasound followed by an appointment. I had taught school all day and could hardly contain my excitement! I was dying to know if we were having a boy or a girl. My pregnancy so far had been picture perfect. Little morning sickness, great appointments, and I was just so excited to be having our first child. I could hardly focus enough to teach my class of first graders throughout the day. I remember as I left school that day my teacher friends yelled down the hall, "Call us as soon as you find out!" We were all excited.

Only God knew what was coming! I'll fast forward to the ultrasound. After a few minutes I began to realize that something was not right. The tech was asking me some questions like...had I been sick...had I leaked any fluid..and a few more...all to which I answered no. Then she began to tell us that she was concerned because I had very very little amniotic fluid! I began to panic and squeeze K's hand as she continued to scan. I really didn't know what this meant. I guess the worst thing I was thinking was perhaps a child with a mental disability, downs syndrome, or perhaps a physical handicap..and at the moment that seemed devastating...but I would soon find myself wishing it was only one of those things.

Of course the doc. was called in and told us that this was most likely one of two conditions. One that was a genetic condition...meaning K and I would both have to be carriers or another condition that is NOT genetic but has no reason for it's cause...they call it a FLUKE! Okay so what does this mean for us for my baby??? They wanted us to go to another Doc. for a higher risk ultrasound that day but because of the time they could only get us in the next morning.

We went to my parents house that night...just to shaken to go home. We began to research these conditions and what we found was that both were always fatal. Babies with these conditions do not survive..do to many issues at birth. Totally scared and just in shock....I remember thinking these kinds of things aren't supposed to happen to me! We went to the appointment the following morning. I was so nervous, anxious...I felt like I was going to throw-up! I'll never forget as they scanned ... it was hard to see our baby. Since this was my first pregnancy I had nothing to compare it to...but it was so hard to really see what was what due to the low fluid levels. But as the doc. scanned he went over the face of our baby and there we could see two little eyes and a little face looking right at us. There it was...my baby...still unsure whether it was a boy or girl...and really that didn't seem nearly as important as it did the day before.

I remember being asked on more than one occasion..."Mrs. Giordano, are you sure you want to continue your pregnancy?" I knew the right answer... yes! Of course I was going to continue my pregnancy...I mean I am a christian. I have always said that was was PRo-life...of course I want to continue this pregnancy. It was my baby for heaven's sake. And yet at this point I began to feel somewhat unattached to my baby. UHHHH...such a hard time in my life. I was carrying this child and yet I knew that I would not get to have this child but for a short time.

The doc. began having me come in every week to listen for a heartbeat because there was a chance that our baby could die in utero. They told me I could sit in an outside waiting room to avoid all the happily expecting pregnant mothers. It just wasn't fair. Week after week our little baby's heart continued to beat strong. I was trying to just make it! There were days when I just so wanted this all to just be over. Over so that I could get my body back and no longer look or feel pregnant...over so that we could try again. As crazy as it sounds I just wanted...needed a baby!

I often though that if I were not a christian I could see how a women when found in a hard situation would choose abortion. Seemed fast and the nightmare would be over! Yet I knew the truth...that God had Knit this baby together in my inmost. That he knew this child and I could trust HIM..that he had a plan, had not forsaken us, and would be with us. I was terrified about the delivery, scared of the unknown..yet the Lord continued to give me peace which sustained me day by day.

I think the Lord knew my anxious heart and I went into pre-term labor at just 33 weeks. and on Jan.31, 2006 I met a my precious little Samuel for a few short hours. Samuel was 3lbs 4oz and way more beautiful than I ever imagined.

I write All this not for your symphathy or condolences...as the Lord has step by step been faithful and true and GOOD to us. I write it because as the elections are over my mind has recently thought so much about the decision I made to carry our child. I without a doubt know that either way my baby would have been okay. I trust that God loves each child no matter how small, wanted, or unwanted. I often think of how I would have been the one to suffer. Had I have not pressed on toward my goal I would have missed seeing my child, missed holding my child, missed having pictures which we cherish, a lock of his hair, and clothes that he wore. I would have missed seeing how God orchestrated events so detailed and perfect for Samuel's birth. I couldn't have done this if I had tried. I would have missed hearing my doctor with tears in her eyes tell me that although she believes in God she did not understand my choice...but after coming to Samuel's funeral and seeing his pictures she understood why we did what we did. I would have felt guilty. I would have wondered what if...I would have regret.

I am thankful that God has used this in my life...almost on a weekly basis. I very often get asked it e is my only child and I always reply that we have a little boy in heaven that we lost at birth. They usually reply...oh I am so sorry. This gives me an opportunity to share my faith by saying, "It was the hardest time of my life but the Lord got me through and has blessed us with a beautiful baby girl."

Hopefully this will encourage someone when faced with a tough situation to trust God and leave the results to Him. For He does all things well.

What can a 13 Month Old Understand??

One of the things I am loving most about being e's mom is seeing her learning new things everyday! I find myself so proud of the little accomplishments in learning that I see...maybe this is the teacher in me...or maybe all parents feel this way.

On Tuesday I picked up e's only girl cousin from school. The boys were in the car as well and I was trying to help my sister out as little bit had his 2 week check-up! NO one should have to go to the doc. with 4 children in tow. Okay, back to my story. E has a doll that we keep in the car for entertainment purposes. It has a cute little hat attached by a string. So when we got in our car yesterday... many hours later...I noticed that the hat was now unattached. I said, "e did you get this hat off?" Then in her cute little way she said AAAAADEEEE. She can say her cuz's name but I was just very curious if she really understood.

So last night I asked A who took the hat off (not that I care at all if the hat comes off) and she said she had on the way home from school. I was surprised that e was able to understand and answer me. Maybe she knows more that she lets on at times!

The Wheels on the bus....

This morning as I was changing e's diaper (trying anything to keep her still) I was singing "The wheels on the bus." So I sang the babies on the bus...you know go wah wah wah...all over town. Then we got to the mommies..you remember they go sh sh sh ...all over town. Then I got to the daddy's...and they just read read read and then I couldn't help but laugh! This old song proves quite true! I am sure there are exceptions..but can't you just picture this poor mommy trying to calm her baby on the crowded bus where she is making a scene..and the daddy is just calmly reading his paper. I don't think it's because he is trying to be rude or unhelpful....HE just DOESN'T HEAR IT...or maybe he does??? This song was def. written by a woman!

Sorry...maybe I am still a little stressed after waiting in line for 2 1/2 hours to vote yesterday..with e or over my night last night!

I have a confession!

Ella slept in her room at night for the first time last night..and she is almost 13months. This is something that I have struggled with for a long time. When she was born we had her in our room in a bassinet, when she out grew that we switched to a cradle, and then to a port-a-crib. I have had this fear...that she will smush her nose in the bumper, get a leg caught, the house catch on fire, or a burglar...and I can't get to her fast enough. So it just seemed safer, wiser, and I slept better with her close by. Every night we pray over her asking the Lord to surround her with his angels and watch over her throughout the night. I have to admit since losing Samuel...and then getting ella her safely...my biggest concern was SIDS! I have been terrified to walk into her room after 12+(Hopefully) hours to check on her! I ALWAYS made sure she went to sleep on her back...until I could no longer keep her on her back...and made she there were no blankets, toys or etc. in the crib. She has always napped in her room throughout the day and loves her big crib so this was not a new space for her! Kevin has been as weak on this issue as I have been. I'd have her in her bed sound asleep and when it got time for us to go to bed he'd say...let's just let her sleep in here...so off I'd go to move a sleeping child back to our room. Is that not sad or what! Needless to say last night was the night... and we both were so tired that we stuck to our guns and although I checked on her 3 times throughout the night she slept great and so did we. I think we'll try again tonight!

The Cutest Cow EVER!

We dressed ella up as a cow for Halloween. I totally get why parents enjoy dressing up their little kids..she was soooo cute as a little cow! We visited a few relatives and stopped by our neighbor's Halloween Party for a few minutes and then ella and I answered the door for trick-or-Treaters. She loved running to the door every time the doorbell rang and seeing the kids in costume. Finally at 8 I closed up shop and put her to bed. She was a worn out little cow but it was so much fun.